Reformed SHEology

In the field of social work, there are levels of practice to describe work of equal but different proportions. "Micro" practice refers to social work with individuals. It generally takes the form of individual counseling, but the goal is positive change within the individual. "Macro" practice refers to social work with organizations and communities. It generally takes the form of policy-making, and the goal is positive change within the community. (There is also a mid-level social work practice that exists but is rarely acknowledged, and this is "Mezzo" practice, which refers to social work with groups.) If you were to choose, which form of social work would you say is better, micro or macro? For example, is it better to help an individual overcome a drug habit, or should we instead create a program to teach school-age children not to take drugs in the first place?

Naturally, neither is better than the other, but rather, both have equal importance in addressing social problems. The same concept exists in Christian ministry. We need both micro and macro ministry. What would the church look like if everyone ministered to individuals, but nobody planted churches? What if all we ever did was plant churches, but never ministered to anyone on a personal level? It just wouldn't work. Both are needed, and therefore both are vitally important to the advancement of God's kingdom. Makes sense, doesn't it? Sadly, there is one area of ministry where we do not see this as making any sense at all, and that is the area of singleness vs. marriage.

Marriage is a lot like micro social work practice. Your focus is primarily on one individual, and you will also have some micro/mezzo responsibilities if you raise children. But singleness affords a person the opportunity to carry out macro-level ministry. One is not "better" or more important than the other. However sometimes we unintentionally communicate to singles this very thing.

For the greater part of my sixteen years as a single Christian woman, I have had to endure the faulty advice that "it is far better to be single than married". Most of the people who insist on perpetuating this advice, God bless them, are married, and just about all of them are misunderstanding Paul's intent in 1 Corinthians 7. Paul was not advocating one status over the other, but rather, he was demonstrating how both situations have kingdom value. Imagine if all the adult Christians in the world were married. Who would go minister to that remote village in a foreign country? Similarly, if every Christian on earth was single, who would raise our children? To assume that one marital status is "better" than another is nothing short of pure foolishness. For this reason, (and I realize I may be slightly biased because I am writing from a single perspective), we need to be very careful that we do not interfere with the marital status of Christian singles.

Imagine how inappropriate it would be for a single person to say, "I can't wait for Charles to kick the bucket! I just want to see you single again!" When I'm not being told how lucky I am to be single, I have married couples urging me to get married. They tell me, "When are you going to meet someone nice? I just want to see you married!" Imagine how inappropriate it would be for a single person to say, "I can't wait for Charles to kick the bucket! I just want to see you single again!" Constantly urging your single friends to get married can communicate disrespect for the single ministry. Again, a more accurate understanding of how important both marriage and singleness are enables us to see why this is not helpful.

The illustration of micro and macro social work comes in handy in this situation as well. When I was in graduate school, many of my classmates were micro social workers, but I considered myself to be a macro social worker. Not one person ever tried to convince me to change my role. Not one person said, "You should get into counseling instead." These people understood that their role in social work was different from mine, yet they had a respect for what I do, because they understood that both micro and macro social work are equally important. We need to apply this same principle to our perceptions of single and married ministry. When God calls someone to a marriage, we tend to understand and accept it. But when God calls someone to singleness (perhaps permanently, perhaps temporarily), we often have a difficult time with this. God calls each of us to these roles as He sees fit. It is not our place to pass judgment on our single friends this way, even if we feel we are being helpful or trying to encourage them.

In an earlier post, I had written:

Both callings to singleness and marriage require service to others, only the focus is different. It is a lot like being male or female. Neither is more precious to God, and one is not better than the other. The roles are just different.

Make no mistake, marital status is an assignment from God Himself. If you are a married person, think of yourself as a micro-level social worker. Every day, you are doing an important work for the Kingdom of God by encouraging your spouse and children on a direct individual level. If you are a single person, think of yourself as a social worker who is free to carry out the responsibilities of macro-level practice (with opportunities of course to engage in micro and mezzo as well) within the Kingdom of God. Whichever role He has placed you in, do not seek to be released from it, and do not pass judgment on those who are currently filling the opposite role. When the time comes, singles may be called to marriage. Married people may become widowed. When we leave the assignments up to God, He will see to it that all positions are filled to carry out His work on earth until it is finished.

Choosing a marriage partner is perhaps one of the most important decisions in a person's life. For this reason, many people believe it is best to choose from a wide selection of individuals. With so many millions of people in this world, the task of finding "The One" can seem extremely daunting. There's always that nagging thought that if we just hold out a little longer, something better will come along. When we finally do settle, we have a tendency to look at all the others and ask, "What if I made the wrong choice?"

Today, the internet was ablaze with discussion of the American television program, The Bachelor. Like its counterpart The Bachelorette, the show features a man who must choose a wife from a group of 25 women (or a woman who must choose a husband from a group of 25 men). Last night's episode marks with striking accuracy why playing the field is not the best way to find "The One." If you didn't see the show, don't worry - I didn't either -- but countless clips and articles are available online for you to catch up on all the ugly details.

In a nutshell, Jason had whittled his decision from 25 women down to 2. He sent Molly home and proposed marriage to Melissa. But six weeks later, he changed his mind and decided he'd rather be engaged to Molly. The play-by-play is detailed in this article from Yahoo! TV, which includes a culmination of some of the most comprehensive comments made by angry female viewers from around the web. Truly, what Jason did to Melissa is nothing short of despicable. But Jason's problem was not that his feelings for one woman dissolved. Jason's problem was that he was distracted by another. (Two viewers astutely observe in the above article that Jason's fickleness only proves Molly has no security in Jason's declarations of affection, either.)

How many of us are still playing the bachelorette and "dating" 25 men in our minds, even long after we are married?As Christians, we look at this cheap imitation of courtship with disdain. We would never date 25 men, and certainly not all at the same time! But how many of us find ourselves just as distracted as Jason by other members of the opposite sex? How many of us are still playing the bachelorette and "dating" 25 men in our minds, even long after we are married? Perhaps we can console ourselves by rationalizing that we don't have to worry because we've never had the problem of choosing a husband from 25 men. Yet let's be honest: how many of us have secretly been vacillating between two men, (even long after we are married)?

One of the main sources of this dilemma is the view that we are looking for the right man "for us." Never mind that marriage is a vehicle by which we must strive to glorify God - we insist it is all about us. We reject a genuinely nice guy who's asked for a courtship because he's missing some superficial quality that we perceive would significantly reduce our level of happiness. Or we perceive that someone other than our current spouse can make us "happier," so we get a divorce. Simliarly, when we are faced with more than one suitor (and when men are faced with more than one woman to pursue), confusion sets in because we are focusing not on God's will for our marriages, but on our own selfish desires. We only consider what might please us most: "Bill's got a great sense of humor, but he just doesn't listen to me the way John does." When we do not learn to rest in God's sovereignty, we carry this thinking over into the marriage itself: "Why can't my husband be more like Larry?" or, "Perhaps I made a mistake and should have married Charlie instead."

If your thoughts are similar to these, one thing is certain: God is not in control of the situation - you are. The Bible tells us that God is not the author of confusion, but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33). If we find ourselves in a situation where we are torn between two options, regardless of what we feel, we must shut out the opposing voices and rely on God's voice alone. Recognizing His sovereignty in our lives is a surefire way to eliminate all our doubts.

Someone once said, "The safest place on earth that you can be is in God's will." This is true always, but it is a crucial piece of advice when it comes to choosing a marriage partner.Someone once said, "The safest place on earth that you can be is in God's will." This is true always, but it is a crucial piece of advice when it comes to choosing a marriage partner. There will always be those in the world who will insist that they want to be in control of their own lives. But when it comes to choosing a marriage partner, the best guidance these people often have is a few trite words of advice set to music. As Christians, we can rest in the comfort of knowing that God has made these decisions for us. If you are married, there will be no regrets or "what ifs" when you survey your marriage to your husband. And if you are a single woman who does not have two dozen men chasing after you, consider yourself blessed. When one does show interest, you can be sure the absence of the other twenty-three will not distract you from hearing God say, "This is the one!"

Do not stress over the idea that the grass could be greener somewhere else. When we consider that it will essentially take the rest of our lives to fully know just one man, we will never be able to assess every other brother in Christ who may have made a good marriage partner. There's so many men, and so little time. Life is short. Spend it with the man God gives you, and spend it rejoicing:

Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 9:9)

Last week I was speaking with an old friend of mine. "Sally" is one of my dearest friends whom I have known for twelve years. She is one of the most spiritually mature women I know, and highly sensitive to issues concerning motherhood. You see, Sally was adopted as an infant. If there is anyone I know who truly appreciates the beauty of parenting, it is my friend Sally. Yet Sally remains childless, as one by one, everyone around her is becoming pregnant.

I can identify with Sally. I came from a place of selfish feminist philosophy, thinking marriage was stupid. God changed me so radically, I not only understand the concept of marriage, but I have come to desire it. Last year, all of my friends started relationships. Then one by one, all of my friends' relationships successfully ended in either engagement or marriage. I am the only one who had a potential opportunity last year that ended, period.

Sally and I were surveying the people we knew and placing horrible judgments on them. We marveled over the immaturity of some of these individuals. Some were devastated to learn they were pregnant, complaining about how they were going to get "fat." Some were obviously not prepared for marriage, not wanting to give, but only expecting to receive. Together, Sally and I proudly asserted that if anyone desereves a child, it is Sally, and if anyone deserves for a relationship to work, it's me! I have done everything God has asked me to. I have studied all the scriptures and been more obedient than the rest. I did everything "by the book." I even followed God down roads I didn't want to in order to serve a man I wasn't attracted to at first, only for him change his mind, and that was that. What gives? How can God give a baby to these selfish, stuck up women, and a husband to these immature women who have no idea what they're in for, when Sally and I are prepared for and so well "deserving" of these gifts? Doesn't God trust us with these gifts? Haven't we rightfully earned them, moreso than these younger, foolish, less mature Christians? If you are a woman who has ever entertained these types of thoughts, allow me to point you to Luke 15, the story of the Prodigal Son.

In this story, the father represents God. The prodigal represents the immature, foolish Christian who has squandered his time with God in pursuit of worldly things. However, there is a third character in this story -- that of the elder son. Note that he is not just any son, but that he is the older of the two. Why is this important? Because in Biblical times, the older son always got the largest portion of his father's estate. In this story, the older son says, "Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him." (Luke 15:29-30). The father responds, "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.” (Luke 15:30-31).

This message was preached at my church this morning, and as I sat there and listened, I began to survey my life. As I reviewed everything I have, I realize that God appears to have given me much more than He has given any of my friends. Yet here I am, complaining about not getting a goat, and stating my case that I am more deserving of a goat because I have always obeyed Him and followed Him more closely than my friends. Immediately I grew ashamed of my attitude. On one hand, it is unbiblical in the sense that I am viewing any gift from God as a "reward" for my good works, which is not a doctrinally sound way to view the God of the Bible. On the other hand, I am comparing myself to others and coming to some very self-righteous conclusions. God has not withheld anything from me and Sally. He does not love us any less than His other children. In fact if Sally and I look closely, we will see that much like the elder Son, God has bestowed upon us far more blessings than many of our friends.

How about you? What is God doing in your life? Is it possible He will call you to lifelong singleness? What if He never allows you to have a child? Will you be as the elder son in the story, refusing to rejoice with your friends because they have something that you don't?

It was Keith Green who wrote, "He's brought me here where things are clear and trials turn to gold." Only in God's Kingdom can trials turn to gold. You may never marry. You may never be a mother in the biological sense. But if you submit to God's will, those tears of disappointment will one day water and bring forth much fruit. God may give you the opportunity to nurture and help in ways that you never could imagine if you were a wife and mother in the earthly sense. If God has not yet given you your heart's desire, perhaps He is simply reminding you, "You have been with me always, and all that I have is yours."

I have a passion for card games. I like traditional card games (Hearts is my absolute favorite) but I’m also a sucker for games with specialized decks, such as Uno and Skip-bo. As a child, I also enjoyed playing a game called Old Maid. The object of the game is to get rid of all the cards in one’s hand by eliminating pairs. The only card in the deck that does not have a matching partner is called the “Old Maid.” The player who is left holding the old maid at the end of the game is the loser.

The rules of the game are reminiscent of the common stereotypes society places on older single women. The word spinster is used to convey not only the age and marital status of these women, but also certain negative connotations that go along with it. In addition to being old, “spinsters” are usually portrayed as being ugly, frumpy, somewhat depressed, and most of all, childless and unlikely to ever marry in their lifetime. Feminists have criticized the word as yet another example of sexist vocabulary, asking a very valid question: “Why are no such negative connotations attached to the word bachelor?” Well, there is a very valid answer. The reason is that a woman who is still single beyond the traditional age of marriage is – historically speaking – not single by choice. According to Genesis, men were created to be the spiritual leaders. They are, by God’s design, the initiators, and women are the responders. Today, if a woman chooses to exhibit biblical femininity in her life, she will not pursue, rather, she will allow herself to be pursued. If no man is pursuing, we can infer she is somehow unworthy of a man’s love, and therefore an object of pity in our society. The implication is that nobody wants her.

While there are many Christian women who buy into this lie, those who do not may still struggle under the duress of social pressure which reminds them that this is generally how they are viewed by the public. Many in the Christian community do not want to believe that a woman can be content in her single years. They will simply assume she is miserable. Ironically this assumption can prove to be very convincing. Unless she renews her mind, the single woman who does fall prey to this mentality will begin to think there is something wrong with her, and can grow very depressed if not careful.

A powerful example of a woman who fought to take her thoughts captive is Charlotte Vale, the heroine of the 1942 classic film Now Voyager. Charlotte, played by Bette Davis, is a woman who possesses a natural charm which is discouraged and eventually suffocated. The plot of the story reveals Charlotte’s quest to break free of the lies she has been fed her entire life that she is ugly and will never amount to anything.

The film was made during World War II, a time when so many women were temporarily without their husbands who were overseas. For this reason, most of the films at that time were geared toward a predominantly female audience. Although there are plenty of other films with a female heroine at the center of the story produced during this time (including one bearing the title, Old Maid, also starring Bette Davis), Now Voyager is absolutely bursting with biblically feminine themes. The characters are remarkably complex and the qualities of helper and nurturer are all present in this film through multiple roles such as mother, daughter, surrogate mother, sister, niece, and female companion. We see sin weaken the bonds of interpersonal relationships, and how a biblical response to sin enables one to rise above its consequences.

I must stress this is not a Christian film. It is a story straight out of Hollywood, and there are certain biblical criticisms we can apply to some of the dialogue. In spite of this, the viewer should still be able to discern just how relevant the characters and the story are to their own lives, and the lives of individuals within the church. Every woman has at some point in her life has felt she was an ugly duckling. It is important to note that even within a marriage, women can be criticized by family and friends, leaving them feeling unfulfilled, unwanted, and unfeminine. But through Christ, we are all a thing of beauty, having been given His righteousness.

The title, Now Voyager comes from Walt Whitman’s poem, “The Untold Want.” In context, the phrase reads:

The untold want by life and land ne'er granted,
Now voyager sail thou forth to seek and find.

Regardless of our age, gender, marital status, or physical appearance, true joy is only found on the journey of sanctification when we sail forth to seek the ultimate untold want of our hearts: Christ, our life. Charlotte Vale, although a fictitious character, is an unlikely role model because she learns to make the most of her life and her circumstances. She is a nurturer and helper, albeit a surrogate in both roles, but she fulfills these roles with finesse and confidence. It is her spunk and determination to embrace her blessings that makes her the ultimate "Spinsta." If you are looking for a good movie to rent this weekend, I highly recommend this film!

You gotta love personal ads. Have you ever really analyzed a personal ad? Here are folks who are seeking companionship because of what it will offer them. Think about it. The average personal ad adheres to the following format: "SWF, possesses characteristics that are highly exaggerated because I think more highly of myself than reality would dictate. Seeking SWM, 30-40, for stuff that I think is fun and pleases me, and meets my needs. Must have the following qualities that I find attractive: superficial quality #1, superficial quality #2, superficial quality #3. If you fit this description, contact me." The hilarity of this is that every single person reading the ad thinks this describes them perfectly! Oh, we are just too full of ourselves, aren't we?

Singleness is a season of life that is so often twisted between two extremes: we either want to hurry along singleness because we want a spouse for our own personal happiness, or we want to preserve the season of singleness far beyond what God has ordained for our own personal happiness. In both scenarios, the attitude toward singleness is not one that glorifies God. Do either of these seasons of "twisted singleness" apply to you?

Before I understood what the purpose of marriage was, I used to read John 15:13 only in the physical sense. That verse reads, "Greater love has no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends." I really used to think that the greatest expression of love was to die a physical death for another person. But I have since learned that even greater love is the act of laying down one's daily life: it is dying to self on a daily basis, and sacrificing my needs and desires to put the other person first. That is what marriage is about. It is an opportunity to mimic what Christ did in His life here on earth. It's pretty obvious that wanting a marriage partner to make ME happy is antithetical to the idea behind this passage. But so is remaining single so you can continue laying down your life for yourself.

I am happy the way I am right now. Sure, I am serving the Lord. But is that truly my motivation for remaining single? Or is my motivation for remaining single avoiding the sanctification that comes with laying down my life for another? This is no different than the single person who desires to get married for selfish reasons: "I'm lonely. I want someone to love me." In either scenario, you cannot become more like Christ when all you are thinking about is yourself.

Earlier this week, while on the phone with a friend, I caught myself teetering dangerously close to the edge of twisted singleness. I am deliberately looking for reasons why I am content in my singleness that indicate I am single for my sake, and not for the glory of God. This is a vicious cycle in my life and it goes something like this:

I discover I'm content in my singleness for selfish reasons.
I repent and tell God I am willing to be open to a marriage partner.
The fruit of my repentance is I become truly content in my singleness for the glory of God.
That contentedness radiates in my countenance -- and a man notices me because of it.
That man expresses an interest in me, and I yield to his leadership in the relationship.
It doesn't work out for whatever reason and I wind up crushed.
I discover I'm content in my singleness for selfish reasons.

So I heard myself saying things that lead me to believe I am rationalizing that it is far better to be single because I can live the Christian life on my terms, without having to take into consideration the precious man that God has ordained as my future husband. I am the only one I need to consider when making my decisions. Sure, when a potential relationship doesn't work out, it stinks, but there's this nasty little gremlin inside me that says, "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!"

It's not the kind of yes that says, "Yes Lord, as Thou wilt Lord, have Thy way with me Lord, Thy will be done!" No, it's more the kind of yes that says, "Awesome! Now I can continue living my cushy little life without having to be bothered with some man and his pain-in-the-neck needs. Oh thank you Lord that I can serve You on my terms, the way that fits my schedule and makes me experience no pain or suffering whatsoever! Woo-hoo!"

When the Apostle Paul said that it was good for the unmarried to stay as they are (1 Corinthians 7) he did not mean that singleness was actually better than marriage. He simply meant that we are not to seek release from God's current plan for our lives. This passage is not necessarily talking about lifetime celibacy, either. (Hasn't God held you in one place for awhile, only to change the direction of your life in the proper time?) It is talking about trying to hurry along the season of singleness that God has for us. If we are single, it is because God has ordained for us to be single in that season. Likewise, there are those who try to get out of their marriages because they are equally unhappy as the poor, lonely, discontent singles. Both of these situations are rebellious toward God. The point is, we are to stay true to our calling until He calls us otherwise. Singleness is a season of life that is so often twisted between two extremes: we either want to hurry along singleness because we want a spouse for our own personal happiness, or we want to preserve the season of singleness far beyond what God has ordained for our own personal happiness. In both scenarios, the attitude toward singleness is not one that glorifies God. Do either of these seasons of "twisted singleness" apply to you?

Regardless of what your current situation is, the fact remains that 1 Corinthians 7 applies to all of us, because left to our own vices, none of us would be content with where God has us. If you are single, don't seek a spouse. If you are married, don't seek to be loosed from a spouse. God has you where He has you and thinking the grass is greener on the other side is a lack of gratitude for His perfect plan for your life. Once God has called you to a different season, that is the time to start seeking a change. But it must come from a deep recognition that He is changing your circumstances for His glory, and not for your personal happiness. We seek to be joined to a spouse because we are selfish. We seek to be loosed from a spouse because we are selfish. Left to our own wisdom, it's all about the glory of ME, isn't it?

Today I rewrote the traditional personal ad according to how it really should read, and had it published it in all the newspapers of heaven. It says:

SWF with very little to offer, seeks man I surely don't deserve, for a lifetime of complete devotion to you and your needs. I have depraved quality #1, depraved quality #2, and depraved quality #3. I can be difficult to love at times, but I promise I will do my best to forsake my selfishness and serve you. If interested, please pray before contacting me.

Who knows? Maybe I'll get a response. (*gulp!*)

After nearly 15 years of life as a single Christian woman, I am pretty well acquainted with those ministries commonly referred to as "singles groups." My attitude toward many of these groups traditionally has not been very positive. That all changed when I attended my first meeting of Undivided, the singles ministry of Metro Life Church, where I am a currently a member.

My past experience demonstrated to me that church singles groups generally exist for the sole purpose of consoling poor singles who are grieving their singleness. I found, throughout the years, that these groups were largely fellowship-based, heavy on the social interaction, but light on devotions. Most singles, it seemed, were more interested in attending these functions for one reason and one reason alone: to find a spouse. Those who lamented the curse of their present marital status were often met by leadership with these words of comfort: "Look on the bright side! This is a time to focus on yourself!"

The first night I attended an Undivided meeting, I was met with a much different philosophy: "Tell me, when in the Christian life are we ever permitted to focus on the self?"

To say that I was impressed is an understatement. I sat forward in my chair, my curiosity growing as I had never heard anything like this before at any singles group I had attended throughout all my years as a Christian.

"Listen, if you want to get married someday, the time to practice biblical masculinity and biblical femininity is now. Marriage is a ministry to another person. You will be expected to serve that other person and put that other person first in all your decisions. You are in for a rude awakening if you think you are going to just miraculously be granted the gift of service on your wedding day. If you plan on being married someday, start serving others now."

This is what the Christian life is all about: dying to self. I thought that I was being very holy because unlike all the other singles, I was not remotely interested in getting married. I had mistakenly believed that I was more pious because I had no desire for another. I was completely content in God alone. But the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. The truth was, my joy was not in serving God. No, I remained single because I was completely content in serving MYSELF.

Since that time, some have said to me, "Jennifer, what's with all this submission stuff? You don't need to worry about that. You're not married." Well, I would dispute that for two reasons. The first reason is, if I'm not going to miraculously receive the gift of service on my wedding day, what makes me think I'm going to miraculously receive the gift of submission? I had better start practicing now if I want to be any good at it when that day comes. But the second reason goes much deeper than that.

Some have said the Bible claims women need only submit to their husbands, pastor, father, employer, and of course God. But they technically don't need to submit or display biblical womanhood to any men other than that. Perhaps that is true. But what is the benefit in that?

The Bible says, all things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being. (1 Corinthians 10:23-24).

Now I ask you, it may be lawful to submit to my husband and no other man, and that may be all God requires of me. But how is that edifying to other men around me? If I am gracious with my husband, but contentious with other men in my church, does that edify those men? What am I doing to their sense of masculinity by refusing to honor their leadership or rejecting their authority?

Should I wait to have children before I am a positive influence on a child? Or would it be edifying to the children around me to be a positive influence on them now? Do I want to confuse my youngest, most impressionable brothers in sisters in Christ because I technically don't have to model biblical femininity to someone else's children? What type of example am I setting for other little boys and girls when I disagree with a man in public, or insist on holding a position of leadership, or behave as though all that men and women stuff is just for married people? Won't I be making another parent's job more difficult, because I am not providing these children with consistency between what they are learning at home, at what they see acted out in the body of Christ?

And what of the lost? Should I also be a source of confusion for them as well? As I try to explain that Christ came to restore what was lost in the Garden of Eden, should I behave in a manner that continues to celebrate that which was lost, as though it had not been restored? Should I continue to promote attitudes about men and women that were only introduced into the world when the curse of sin entered?

I may be single now, and I may be married in the future, but I am now, have always been, and always will be a woman in this life. Being married or single does not alter that role. Submissiveness and silence and all the things that make me feminine are not dependent on my marital status any more than they are dependent on what church I attend, the ministries in which I serve, the friends I have, or where God has chosen for me to work. I am a woman, and there is no escaping that. Why would I only want to celebrate that when I'm married?

For the longest time, I misunderstood 1 Corinthians 7. I honestly thought Paul was saying it was better to be single because single people were holier. I am embarrassed over how misguided I was. Both callings to singleness and marriage require service to others, only the focus is different. It is a lot like being male or female. Neither is more precious to God, and one is not better than the other. The roles are just different.

In marriage, I will be serving my own spouse and my own children. But as a single, I am blessed in that I have the opportunity to widen that ministry. I am a helper to every man. I am a mother to every child. Not having my own husband or children gives me the freedom to give my time, money, talents, and heart to others. That's what Christianity is all about: giving your life away in mimicry of the One who gave the ultimate Life away.

I am so thankful to my God for His sovereign wisdom. In all His glory He saw fit to make me a woman, to place me in the lives of those who need a temporary helper or a mother where one may not be available. Focus on myself? Oh Lord may it never be! Dear Christ You gave Your life away, thus let it be with me.

I encourage you to watch this excellent sermon by John Piper: Single in Christ: A Name Better than Sons and Daughters.