Reformed SHEology: Submission

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Prayer: The Believer's Ministry

Posted on April 07, 2010 comments (3)
Labels: God, Latisha, Submission, Surrender

I met with my mentor last year to discuss a grievous spiritual matter. Sitting on the couch where she has often gently counseled me, I shared with her a struggle I was having to break free of paralyzing doubts to enjoy prayer (not just petitions but really enjoying the Lord) as I once did.

It was all so random. Doubt just sashayed into my soul, took the podium front and center, and began to conduct an elaborate sabotage of my prayer life. From there, I continued to describe how I was suddenly restless to know the "context" through which I would serve God. For everyone around me seemed to be in their position and focused. They seemed clear on their calling in life. But me, I've felt and looked so random, unstable, unfocused, and nomad-like. I feel I’m a jack of all trades but a master of none. My interests are so vast and I believe I can learn anything if I have an encouraging and patient teacher.

Well, in her calm and consoling way, my mentor looked at me and said something profound and epiphany-like, "prayer is your ministry." In other words, prayer is a ministry task always available. It is my first ministry unto God. Aha! Then I thought of Anna, the widow, from the book of Luke. I thought how it is recorded that she ministered day and night, with delight and contentment, in the Temple to the Lord through prayers, fasting, and praise. The thought warmed and endeared me.

So, why give all that personal detail? Well, I hope to stir us up to pray. For I am convinced that prayer is every believer's ministry. Any believer experiencing God, (i.e. seeing and feeling Scripture become palatable, or God's movements in circumstances, or experiencing unusual blessings to the soul or the physical) is NOT experiencing something esoteric and unavailable to any other believer.

Prayer is a gate open to all believers willing to enter it, stay the course to triumph over its challenges, and mine the depths of its treasures. The believer is as Esther and Christ is our King--the golden scepter is forever extended toward us in favor. Why wouldn't we take FULL advantage of this benefit in our inheritance package? Do we understand what it is to have the favor of the King?

There is a saying, if you want to hide something valuable from a person (especially in the 21 century)--put it in a book. For, we seldom take time to read. I think this idea is transferable to some of us in the Christian community. If you want to hide something valuable from believers tell them to persevere in prayer to gain it.

....We are so afraid of the false that we quench what is true. We are people of extremes... There are some that are so orthodox but are absolutely dead, because they are so afraid of false excitement and the excesses of certain spiritual movements that they quench and hinder the Spirit and deny the truth...." --Martin Lloyd Jones

If some of us were brutally honest and courageous enough to reveal our thought-life, prayer is really quite ridiculous to us. We've seen it (we think) make a fool of too many people--believing something abstract and unlikely, by faith, that God "supposedly" spoke or lead, not to mention the damage the charismatic movement has done. There are all kinds of self-serving scams and personal deceptions going on in Christendom as it relates to prayer. So we play it safe. We clutch our prized reputations and vow to never be so risky or look so stupid or God forbid emotionally out of control. And consequently, our prayers remain powerless, perfunctory, and stoic—but, of course, doctrinally correct.

But prayer is indeed so much more than unverifiable abstractions and asking for earthly things we desire and need.

Rewarding prayer is when one comes to mount themselves upon an Altar (Romans 12:1-2) to be broken so as to bond with Christ. That is connect in such a way that we find ourselves praying in concert with the intercessions He is making at the right hand of the Father. That is connect in such a way that we pray in concert with the groaning(s) of the Spirit. That is allowing the Spirit to transfer His affections for the subject of our prayers to us--to the point He weeps or wages war through us. In this connection, we begin to pray His will into the earth for ourselves, the saints, even the world. Absolutely, exhilarating—intoxicating.

Prayer is also an occasion for uninhibited self-examination that produces a fresh brokenness over sin which leads to a spirit of thankfulness, surrender, forgiveness, and renewed joy and peace. It provides a fresh purity of heart and motive that was not present before you prayed. You know, it doesn’t always take some catastrophic event to humble or break us. No one has to know. The scripture says God gives grace to the humble but resists the proud. There is a reason God tells us to humble ourselves as we don’t want Him to do it for us. Prayer alone can humble us.

This is the best part of our salvation!

I encourage us to consider that prayer is a believer's first ministry. It is the launch pad to all other ministry in which we would engage. And one should be terrified to embark upon any place of official ministry in a Church without prayer being a pillar of their lives. If one struggles in prayer, praying with others is a great way to jump start affections that lead to prayer. Let us not quench His Spirit with our fear, pride, and unbelief. Let us go take advantage of this means of Grace. So what are your thoughts on prayer? What are your current obstacles? What step will you take today to triumph over the obstacle(s)?

The Taming of the Shrew

Posted on March 23, 2008 comments (4)
Labels: Femininity, Submission

LESSONS FROM SHAKESPEARE
My favorite Shakespearean play of all time (ironically, even before I was interested in Biblical femininity) is The Taming of the Shrew. Not many people know this about me, but I studied theatre in college and there was once a time when I wanted to be an actor. There are still some traces of passion for the theatre flowing through my veins, as I reflect on some coveted roles I never got the chance to play. Kate was one of those roles.

I was fortunate enough to perform at least one speech from this play for my acting class. It was, as most Shakespeare buffs may have already guessed, Kate's final monologue. The speech in itself meant so much to me, because so much of it reminds me of my relationship with my beautiful bridegroom Jesus.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, Kate is a rebellious, uncontrollable, and downright nasty woman. No one wants Kate, as she is the least desirable woman in town. But when Petruchio shows up wishing to marry her, she has finally met her match. For the remainder of the play we watch him "tame" his bride by sometimes putting her through difficult testing and trials. In the end, Kate proves to be the very picture of femininity, and brings great honor to her husband when he calls for her obedience to him in public. She not only obeys his command, but reprimands the other wives present for rebelling against their husbands.

Naturally, this play is criticized by feminists worldwide as being sexist and misogynistic, but it is in fact a very symbolic and beautiful picture of how our dear Lord tames each one of us. I will not offer my own commentary on the monologue's imagery, but rather, I will let you meditate on the words for yourself. On this Resurrection Sunday, remember all that Christ had to suffer to tame the wayward shrew in each of our hearts. See how much of Kate's speech you identify with (I have pasted it in its entirety below):

KATE: Fie, fie, unknit that threat'ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee
And for thy maintenance; commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou li'st warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience--
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace,
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway,
Whey they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms,
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown.
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot,
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.

Why This Gender Stuff Matters

Posted on December 22, 2007 comments (5)
Labels: Femininity, Submission

Gender: Assignment from God
Some who come across this blog may wonder, "What does all this gender stuff have to do with glorifying God?" Biblical masculinity and femininity are critical aspects of glorifying God, because both men and women were created in His image. The Great Artist has captured His own essence in the self-portrait of humanity. Therefore, as Christians, it is essential we demonstrate His likeness to a lost and dying world according to His design, without any of our self-inflicted modifications.

When we reject our God given roles as men and women, we distort the very image of God that we were created to reflect. We begin to portray humanity the way we see fit. The focus shifts from glorifying God to glorifying mankind. We become the designers. He gets pushed in the background.

A focus on one's gender role helps to solidify one's identity in Christ. Some have postponed studying gender roles until marriage because Scripture makes specific reference to the interpersonal dynamics of gender roles within the context of marriage. But biblical gender roles should be studied and pursued by all Christians in all stages of life. McCulley (2006) states: "As I studied, I realized that Scripture's emphasis was on being made a woman in the image of God. My marital status informed how that would be applied, but I was to be more preoccupied with my femininity than my singleness," (p.70). We are created male and female. We are not created to be single or married. Singleness and marriage, and any other call to ministry, do not alter the divine ordinance of our assignments as men or women. We will always be male or female as long as we are in these temporal bodies. Therefore, it is important to understand how God intended us to function in these temporal roles while we are here, regardless of the calling on our lives. Men are to be leaders. They are called to protect and provide. Women are to be nurturers. They are called to help. The slightest deviation from this standard on any level is an affront to the holy design of God. The most miniscule "variation" on God's order is rebellion. And rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft (1 Samuel 15:23).

We are in rebellion when we make any decree for ourselves that is against God's design. We are saying that we are in control of our situation, not God. We deny Him of His sovereignty and usurp His place as Most High. This is the very sin of Satan. Worse, we commit sin when we make our own rules and attribute them to God Himself.

For example, I used to assert that regardless of what the Bible said about women, I was exempt from submission because God created me with a strong personality. (Incidentally, my concept of leadership was just as ungodly. Had God made me a man I surely would have abused the role of leadership. I would not have seen it as a holy call to be responsible and accountable to God, but rather, I would have seen it as a license to control others.) Whenever someone confronted me with the truth of God's word, particularly that women are called to submit to men, I would react with insolent pride, complaining: "I don't know why God just didn't make me a man." Was God wrong? Had He somehow made a mistake by creating me a woman? No. The problem was I loved my sin more than I loved God. I did not want to do the work required of me in order to be sanctified, namely, I did not want to reconcile the personality that God gave me with the command that God gave me. I wanted life to be easy. Purification is not easy, and Jesus never said it would be.

Here is a similar example: I know a brother in the Lord who is very active within a particular ministry. I saw an obvious need for leadership within this ministry, so encouraged this brother to step into the leadership position. His response? "Oh no. I can't do that! I'm not a leader." When I pressed him for a reason why he felt he was not a leader, this brother responded confidently, "I just wasn't created that way."

This is nonsense, and I dare say it borders on heresy. God has ordained all men to be leaders and they are called to exhibit leadership in some area of their lives. For a man to claim he was not created to be a leader suggests that the Bible is wrong. Is the Bible wrong? Did God somehow make a mistake and forget to call this man to leadership? Or is this man comfortable in his carefree existence and absolving himself of any responsibility? It is easy to wave away the commands of Scripture and live in a manner that suits our desires. It is easy to excuse ourselves from the commands of Scripture by pointing the finger at God, the only One who has the power to give such a divine veto, and say: "See? This doesn't apply to me. That's not how I was created!" However, Scripture states that God does not lie, and God does not change. We know He does not behave contrary to what He has declared. If God's Word states one thing, and you are behaving contrary to what God says, then one of you is wrong. And it isn't God.

From a reformed perspective, all glory goes to God. That means that whatever He has declared is perfect. It cannot be improved upon. Whenever we make statements that disagree with Scripture, we are in rebellion. At best, we are insinuating that God's decree could use some fine-tuning. At worst, we allow ourselves to alter God's design completely to suit our own needs. This manifests itself in a wide spectrum of ways, from a simple matter of shirking responsibility or refusing to submit, to declaring oneself to be homosexual or a transgender individual. All of these attitudes are equally sinful because they all stem from the same argument of "I can't help it . . . that's how I was created".

If we want to give glory to God, we must be sensitive to biblical gender issues. Our gender is a huge part of our identity in Christ. We have been created male and female as He saw fit, for His pleasure. Let us glorify God in our gender roles through submission to His perfect design and order as an expression of worship.

Soli Deo Gloria!

References:

McCulley, C. (2006, Fall). When you don't have a better half: Encouraging biblical roles as a single woman. The Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, 6(2) 69-75.

Brokenness: The Heart God Revives

Posted on December 07, 2007 No Comments
Labels: Book Reviews, Femininity, Forgiveness, Relationships, Submission

A Review
Pride is a very sneaky sin, because it often masks itself as other things. I used to think pride was simply the act of being "conceited." I used to think that if you bragged about yourself or your accomplishments, that was pride -- and it is, but pride is so much more than that. Because I was always very careful not to praise myself to others (Proverbs 27:2) I didn't think I had a problem with pride. Boy, was I ever wrong!

Pride occurs anytime we esteem ourselves higher than we should, especially when it comes to our own sense of dignity and self worth. It may or may not be accompanied by conceit. I personally think when it is not accompanied by conceit, it becomes a very slippery sin that escapes our grasp. This is the kind of pride that I struggle with.

Take for example, the feminist movement. It is a sinful response to sin. It puffs up women not because it boasts in their accomplishments, rather, it it puffs up women because it seductively convinces them that they don't need men. When we seek to be "strong" and we claim we don't need others, this is pride. We are esteeming our abilities higher than we should. We are claiming that our self-worth surpasses the worth of men. This is sin.

My biggest struggle with pride reared its ugly head in the context of my relationships with others. My tendency to run from relationships, whether they be with the same or the opposite sex, was an ugly manifestation of pride in my life. First, I was proudly elevating my abilities to an above-normal level, claiming that I had some super-human power to reject the basic human need for relationships. I wanted others to admire me for my supposed "strength." Secondly, I was elevating my own knowledge above God's. Although He said, "It is not good for man to be alone," I was insinuating through my independence that I was right and He was wrong. Finally, by keeping others at arm's length, I was able to devote all my time and energy to the god of self. But not once did I ever consider myself to be prideful because I did not appear conceited or brag about my accomplishments. Was I in sin? You betcha!

Just after I became interested in reformed theology, I read a truly incredible little book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Brokenness: The Heart God Revives. This book didn't just teach me about brokenness - it actually was an instrument God used like a scalpel to cut out all the cancerous tumors of pride that were growing in my heart. This is a must read for anyone struggling with the sin of pride, because brokenness is the antidote to pride.

As I read this book, I began to realize that the sin of pride was so hard to detect in my heart because it had disguised itself as fear. Over the years, I had lamented that the people who hurt me the most in life were other Christians. I ran from anyone who wanted to be my friend because I was afraid of getting hurt. I used to think, "If they find out I'm not the superwoman they all think I am, they'll reject me and leave me." But DeMoss (2002) says, "Broken men and women don't care who finds out about their sin; they have nothing to protect, and nothing to lose," (p. 67). The truth God showed me was that when we are afraid of others, it is our sinful pride that we are fighting so hard to protect. It is our precious reputation, our squeaky clean image as a good Christian, and most of all, the respect of others that we don't want to lose. That is a hard pill to swallow. It gets worse:

Jesus was always drawn to those whose sin seemed egregious (from a human point of view), but were repentant over their sin. On the other hand, he was repulsed by those who looked like perfect saints but whose hearts were proud and unbroken. Could it be that God is more offended by those of us who appear to be respectable and spiritual but who have proud, unteachable spirits, than He is by adulterers, fornicators, sodomites, abortionists, or pornographers who make no pretense of being godly? The sobering reality is that proud, unbroken Christians have done far more damage to the Church of Jesus Christ than any sinners outside the church could inflict. (DeMoss, 2002, pp. 82-83).

YEEOUCH!!! That was one slap in the face I really needed. In my early walk with God, I was hurt so badly by other Christians, I left the church for six years. I was living in sin for those six years. No, I was not fornicating or shooting up heroin or frequenting seedy nightclubs. But I was marinating in pride. My expectations of others who called themselves Christians were so high I had forgotten that Christians are sinners too. And I did the very thing that I was so afraid they'd do to me: I rejected them. I sinned in response to sin. Worse, I punished everyone I met after that for what others had previously done to me. I was a Pharisee. I didn't want to give anyone a chance. I buried myself in my accomplishments and sneered that I was too busy whenever I was invited to fellowship somewhere. The truth is, I was protecting my pride. I did not want to be around others because I did not want to be hurt again. But if we are truly to become the men and women that God delights in, we can't protect our pride. We must crucify it.

Earlier this year, another trusted Christian friend sinned against me and immediately, pride reared its ugly head. Instead of forgiving right then and there, which is what I should have done, I began to compare my own righteousness to that of this other individual. I said things like, "What kind of person would do such a thing?" I continued to ask questions about this person's character and integrity until I was so deep in sin, I was actually questioning this individual's salvation! Just who did I think I was? What gave me the right to judge this person that way? My sin was probably a thousand times worse than the sin that was originally committed against me, but I rationalized that it was okay because I was hurting. I went so far as to turn my anger on God and say, "You see? I told you this 'getting close to people' was a stupid idea!" I was really walking on thin ice, but I figured God understood because I was in pain. This is the seductive power of pride. We are so blinded by pain and fear that we don't even see we're in sin. It takes a trusted, caring friend to lovingly point it out to us and make a commitment to come alongside us in the fight to mortify sin. When someone sins against us, we need to remember that person is not the enemy -- sin is the enemy.

Thankfully, God gave me the grace to forgive that person in my heart with no guarantee that we'd ever be reconciled here on earth. He gave me compassion to intercede for this person daily through prayer and to turn my focus on my own sin instead. He gave me peace to realize that He's not finished with me and that other person yet. We cannot allow the sin of pride to gain a foothold, because it can and will divide and ultimately destroy.

So where are you in regards to pride? I highly recommend Nancy Leigh DeMoss' book for further study on this topic. But for the time being, click on the book cover below to view the 41 evidences of pride found on Nancy's website and see how you do:

Reference:

DeMoss, N. (2002). Brokenness: The heart God revives. Chicago: Moody Publishers.

Tough on Mildew!

Posted on November 25, 2007 comments (2)
Labels: Submission

Back when I was in college, a friend and I used to joke about verses in the Bible that struck us as being very funny. For example:

After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.(Matthew 4:2, NIV)

Really? He was hungry? After 40 days of fasting? You don't say!

How about this one:

And a young man followed him, with nothing but a linen cloth about his body. And they seized him, but he left the linen cloth and ran away naked (Mark 14:51-52, ESV).

Now that must have been a sight to see! Here's one that my friend pointed out to me:

The LORD will smite you with consumption and with fever and with inflammation and with fiery heat and with the sword and with blight and with mildew, and they will pursue you until you perish (Deuteronomy 28:22, NASB).

This one was very funny to us. The verse almost reads like something from a Monty Python skit. My friend was walking around the room and speaking in a deep, authoritative voice saying, "I will smite thee with MILDEW!!" Somehow, after being smote with fiery heat and the sword, mildew does not seem very daunting.

Although we had a few chuckles over the verse, it did get me wondering. I knew God did not put anything in the Bible without reason, so I decided to do a little research on mildew. What I found was pretty . . . daunting.

Video: Powdery Mildew Cleistothecia, (mildew growing on cherries):

Mildew, as with mold and dust mites, is a biological pollutant, as well as a contaminant. Once something in your home is contaminated with mold or mildew, it is very difficult to control. If you simply google "mildew" you will get 7,770,000 results, and if you google the phrase "health hazards of mildew," you can narrow it down to 167,000 results. Some of the health hazards I found while surfing the net include watery eyes, runny nose and sneezing, nasal congestion, itching, coughing, wheezing and difficulty breathing, headache, dizziness and fatigue.

Okay, so maybe that is still not as bad as being smote with fiery heat and the sword, but imagine in those days the agony of a chronic allergy or sinus condition without any over the counter aid such as Claritin. Most of the websites I found all say to kill mildew with bleach. What was used to kill mildew in Old Testament times? There was no Clorox back then. Everything pretty much had to be burned.

Even in modern times, mold and mildew are not that easy to control. Yang (1994) notes that there are health risks associated with mold and mildew that are extremely toxic, resulting in far more serious health conditions if left unchecked:

The earliest known toxigenic molds, primarily Claviceps purpurea, produce the substance ergot. The ergot molds infect rye, grains and other grasses. Ingestion of ergot contaminated rye or other cereals causes ergotism. There are two types of ergotism recognized clinically: gangrenous and convulsive. Gangrenous ergotism affects the extremities as well as causes gastrointestinal symptoms. Convulsive ergotism affects the nerve system causing brain and spinal lesions which can lead to death or permanent mental impairment. (Yang, 1994)

He lists more health risks as follows:

Mycotoxins may cause a variety of short-term as well as long-term adverse health effects. This ranges from immediate toxic response and immune-suppression to the potential long-term carcinogenic effect. Symptoms due to mycotoxins or toxins-containing airborne spores (particularly those of Stachybotrys chartarum) include dermatitis, recurring cold and flu-like symptoms, burning sore throat, headaches and excessive fatigue, diarrhea, and impaired or altered immune function. The ability of the body to fight off infectious diseases may be weakened resulting in opportunistic infections. Certain mycotoxins, such as zearalenone (F2 toxin), can cause infertility and stillbirths in pigs. (Yang, 1994)

Wow. Who knew mold and mildew could be that detrimental?

Among the modern day damage that has been caused by mold and mildew, Yang cites that in the early 1990's, several courthouses in Florida were shut down for decontamination, a process which costs more than the building itself. And in Canada, an entire school was so infested, the whole building had to be burned.

It is interesting how a majority of television commercials featuring household cleansing products feature women. This is because the traditionally biblical role for women is to manage the home. It is not a meaningless lifestyle, as some feminist philosophers would have you think. Biblically, being the manager of a home is a vital part of fulfilling the helper role.

Many of these television commercials do not just discuss how to clean a shower that may have a bit of mildew. Instead, the commercials use vocabulary such as "fight," "kill," and "destroy" when it comes to mold and mildew. These are combative terms. It shows that there is a legitimate need right in the home to stand guard and offer protection against an intruder. I have discussed in a previous post that the object of love is to protect and provide. Consider the very noble act of protecting one's family in this fashion: to keep the home clean and free of dangerous pollutants and other biological hazards.

The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood takes the position that men and women are equal, but different. We have an equal responsibility to serve God, however, God has given us very different roles to play in how we are to serve Him. When we start to confuse these roles, or assert that one role is less honorable than the other, we upset the order God has established for a perfect partnership. Managing a home involves the same responsibility to protect and provide as going out to work everyday. It just fulfills that responsibility differently.

As a single woman who is solely responsible for putting a roof over my own head, I can fully appreciate the role of a stay-at-home wife and/or mother. When I come home from work, I am tired. I just want to relax! However, I do not have a lovely wife to take care of my house for me while I'm away at work. (And that's why my bathtub often looks like a giant petri dish.) So I can see how valuable the traditional, domestic role of a woman is to a man who is the sole bread winner of the family.

The domestic role which has been biblically prescribed for a woman is not a punishment from God, but a divine responsibility. It is a privilege to be entrusted with such a responsibility. A woman who is diligent in keeping the home clean and orderly is protecting her family against illness, disease, parasitic infestation, and possibly (if you live in Florida) a necessary torching. Therefore, let us not look down upon our prescribed domestic role. Instead, let us fight these intruders to our homes with all diligence as a divine mission from the Creator. Our families will be happier and healthier for it.

Reference:

Yang, C.M. (1994, September). Toxic effects of mildew and mold. Enviros, The Healthy Building Newsletter, 4(9), Retrieved November 25, 2007 from: http://www.mdsdog.com/articles/Effects%20of%20Mildew%20and%20Mold.pdf

Choose Your Own Adventure

Posted on November 23, 2007 No Comments
Labels: Forgiveness, Silence, Submission

The Choice to Love
When I was a child, I used to love to read the Choose Your Own Adventure series. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this series, the title is exactly as it sounds. You literally would choose how the story will go. There were several different storylines: you were in the Amazon jungle, or climbing Mount Everest, or on a Deep Sea Adventure. After reading about five pages or so into the story, the reader would be faced with a decision: If you decide to enter the cave, turn to page 19. If you turn back and go for help, turn to page 81. The choice you made determined the outcome of the story.

I have always been very practical, even as a child. So it probably comes as no surprise to you that I used to read ahead to learn the outcome of both choices. Then, whichever scenario provided the best possible outcome would be the decision I would make.

The Christian life is a lot like the Choose Your Own Adventure series, only we cannot skip ahead a few pages to know the outcome of our decisions ahead of time. Instead, we must use what we know about God's design, God's will, and God's word to make the best possible educated guess and make our choice in faith with God's guidance.

I was once faced with such a decision. A man I knew had made a decision that I did not agree with. That in itself is a struggle, because as self-absorbed sinners, we want what pleases us. But in addition to having to submit to a decision I did not like, there was another issue. In carrying out his decision, the man sinned against me.

The details of what this man did are not important. What is important was my reaction to the sin. In a word, I was angry -- sinfully angry. I wanted to alert this man right away to the fact that what he did was just downright wrong, unfair, and hurtful to me. As far as I could search my heart, I had done nothing to bring this on myself.

So I was faced with a Choose Your Own Adventure-type decision: If you decide to confront this man on his sin, turn to Matthew 18:15-17. If you decide to remain silent, turn to 1 Peter 3:1. Although I did not know the outcome of either decision, I tried my best, given what I know about God's design for men and women, to imagine how each scenario would play out.

Let's look at Matthew 18:15-17:
Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

What might the outcome be if I took this road? Well, given what I know about men and women, I most likely would have been extremely tempted to use my feminine power of influence in a selfish way, especially since I was angry. It's possible I would have been tempted to use the discussion about the man's sin as an opportunity to get him to change his decision. As a result, I may have appeared to this man as a contentious and/or selfish woman who was only trying to rob him of his leadership. He may have considered me to be a thorn in the flesh, instead of a caring sister in Christ. Taking this approach might even communicate to him: "I don't respect you enough to trust your ability to make a godly decision." I do have biblical grounds based on Matthew 18 to correct this man. There is nothing unlawful about confronting him on his sin. However, what if I consider this scripture:

All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being. (1 Corinthians 10:23-24).

Just because I have biblical grounds for Matthew 18, does that make it the best possible decision? Will confronting this man edify him, or contribute to his well-being?

I feel I knew this brother well enough to say that he is a very gentle and tenderhearted man of God. I am confident that he is aware of his sin. All of us have sinned at one point and knew it, yet were ashamed or embarrassed to address the offended party. Perhaps we were afraid of rejection. The possibility of hearing that individual say, "You really blew it bigtime!" is not helpful. Most of us would probably respond, "Gee, thanks. Tell me something I don't know!" I am confident that 1 Peter 3:1 gives me the opportunity to communicate to this man, without the use of words, the very "something" he may not know:

I don't agree with your decision, but I respect you enough to submit to it. I am demonstrating my submission to you by my silence.
I have compassion for you, so as not to throw your sin in your face.

I know you have a lot on your plate; therefore, I will remain silent. I will not add my own drama to your troubles.

I trust your level of integrity enough to let you come to me on your own when you are ready.

I believe in you! I know you can take the lead and initiate reconciliation without any nagging from me.

I will not rob you of your leadership. I will wait for you to step in and fulfill your role.

I will not use the occasion to address sin as an opportunity to influence you to change your decision.

I want to calm any fears you have that I may jump down your throat, as though I am surprised at your sin.

So here is the difference: Matthew 18 is an opportunity to focus on the man's sin, while 1 Peter 3 is an opportunity to focus on the man's decision. Which is the better choice? Although it is appropriate for me to confront the sin, I chose to let it go and focus instead on the fact that I have an opportunity to respect this man through silence and submission. An opportunity to demonstrate respect, especially when the opportunity calls for a demonstration of grace, is far more edifying to a brother in Christ. Therefore, I felt 1 Peter 3:1 was the better decision in this case, so that's the road I took. Unfortunately, we never did achieve reconciliation (although God could always change that).

Even so, I think I did the right thing. The only reason to have taken the Matthew 18 road would be so I could get what I was looking for: communication. Yet we know the Christian life is not about the self, rather, the Christian life is about putting others first. This is not about getting what I want as much as giving him what he needs. And because of his circumstances, my dear brother in Christ could probably use some support from me in the form of me not nagging him about his sin right now. What he needs is the assurance that I am here and willing to reconcile. I don't do that with words. I demonstrate that through quietness, so that even if he doesn't obey the word, he may be won through my conduct (1 Peter 3:1).

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.(Philippians 2:3-4)

Let us be gracious to our brothers in the Lord when they sin against us. Leadership is hard. They cannot do it alone. They so desperately need our help, patience, and understanding as they try to do what's right in God's eyes, knowing He will hold them accountable for their decisions. I encourage you to watch this brief clip of John Piper as he explains the role of leadership in initiating reconciliation:

*A popular question I have been asked about 1 Peter 3:1 is, "Aren't you contributing to the breakdown in communication with this technique?" When using 1 Peter 3:1, especially in a marital situation, I need to stress that we are not talking about giving someone the "Silent Treatment." The silent treatment is never a Christian response to another's sin. This scripture is advocating silence regarding specific issues, not silence toward individuals. Before making any decision to confront an individual in sin or to remain silent, it is best to pray and seek God's face as to what the best course of action is. Remember, Ecclesiastes 3:7 says that there is a time to be silent, and a time to speak. God will direct your paths and show you when to speak, and when to keep silent. For additional information, consult this article by John MacArthur.

The Power of Silence

Posted on November 21, 2007 comments (1)
Labels: Silence, Submission

Every Woman's Secret Weapon
One of the most profound commands in the Bible directed toward women is the command to be silent. To most, it does not seem profound at all. As someone who subscribes to reformed theology, I can relate to this. Scripture tells us that a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised (1 Corinthians 2:14). I had been a Christian for 13 years before God opened my eyes to the truths of biblical femininity. Though I was not in the natural, it still took the grace of God for me to see the spiritually appraised wisdom in silence.

Notice that we are commanded to be silent in specific circumstances, namely, our silence is to go hand in hand with submission:

The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the Law also says. (1 Corinthians 14:34)

A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. (1 Timothy 2:11)

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. (1 Peter 3:1)

That last scripture is my personal favorite. The magic phrase is “they may be won without a word.” It implies that a man can be won over through a woman’s silence. Does that sound like tyranny and oppression? To me, that reads like a secret weapon! So secret, most women don't even know about it.

But why? Why are we told to be silent? Well, it's common knowledge: men are visual creatures. The trick is to show, not to tell:

It’s like that awful joke: “Why do I have to tell my wife I love her? I told her that when we got married!” Just as a wife would feel dreadful if her husband never demonstrated his love, a husband feels dreadful if a wife never demonstrates her respect . . . Most women appreciate it when a husband says, “I love you.” But, as I discovered pretty quickly, it just doesn’t do it for a guy to hear his wife coo, “Oh, honey, I respect you so much.” He does need to hear, “Honey, I’m so proud of you,” and “I trust you.” But beyond that, demonstrating respect, day in and day out, means far more than just saying a few words. (Feldhahn, 2004, p. 28, emphasis mine).

Feldhahn goes on to list four key areas where a woman can portray respect for a man:

1. Respect his judgment.
2. Respect his abilities.
3. Respect in communication.
4. Respect in public.

All four of these areas of respect can be demonstrated through the powerful, yet subtle art of silence. Let me remind you that Feldhahn's book was published two thousand years after the birth of Christ. After two millennia, the author has discovered absolutely nothing that the Bible has not already told us about men:

Respect his judgment: The Bible says we are not to be argumentative or contentious (Proverbs 27:15-16). You may have a better idea, or feel your decision is better. But are you more concerned with being right, or being an excellent woman? If your way truly is the better way, stay silent and allow him to figure that out on his own, which bring us to:

Respect his abilities: The Bible tells us we are the helpers. Helping implies assistance. It does not mean that you take over and do everything for the man. There is a fine line between helping and controlling. When you begin to control, you have robbed him of his leadership. Resist the urge to say, “Oh, here let me do it,” or, “Will you just listen to me and take my advice?”

Respect in communication: It's not so much what we say, but how we say it. Nagging is a perfect example. While asking communicates a request, nagging communicates disappointment. It implies that the man is a failure because he did not process your request fast enough. It also suggests that you think he is too stupid to have understood it the first time, hence, the need for constant reminders. The Bible says “an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4). Silence communicates trust: trust that he heard you the first time and that you believe in his ability to do the job and do it right.

Respect in public: Shaming a man and being rottenness in his bones is magnified when you do it in public. It is far better to stay silent in public when you disagree with a man or feel that urge to correct him than to speak your mind in front of everyone. The Bible talks about a man’s reputation, and how important that is to him. When you disrespect a man in front of others, especially other men, it is the ultimate, mother of all demonstrations of uber-disrespect. Consider the high emphasis the Bible places on a man’s public reputation:

A good name is to be more desired than great wealth, Favor is better than silver and gold. (Proverbs 22:1)

A good name is better than a good ointment, and the day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth. (Ecclesiastes 7:1)

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. (Proverbs 31:23)

Because of the fragrance of your good ointments, Your name is ointment poured forth; Therefore the virgins love you. (Song of Solomon 1:3)

Remaining silent is not a matter of legalistic oppression. As with submission, the decision to control your tongue belongs to you. True strength is not just in possessing power; true strength lies in your ability to harness that power. When circumstances call for silence and we choose to exercise that power, we are protecting a man's reputation and providing him with a safe environment to feel confident that he is respected. The art of silence, along with the art of submission, are skills that can be refined with practice. They will edify any man, not just a husband. The command to be silent is liberating: it will unlock the door to a man's excellence and set it free. Only an excellent woman can motivate an excellent man. Are you an excellent woman?

References

Feldhahn, S. (2004). For women only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men. Atlanta, GA: Multnomah.

The Truth About Submission

Posted on November 16, 2007 comments (6)
Labels: Submission

Leadership in Disguise
No single word has bred more animosity between the sexes than the word submission. Unfortunately, this is most likely due to the fact that both sexes are misinterpreting exactly what that word means, and this is understandable. Sin does that to people.

Most women who misunderstand this word do so because the feminist movement has confused the term submission with oppression. This is because most men who abuse this word are operating under the impression that the term submission means, "She has to do whatever I say." Neither of these assumptions on behalf of men or women come remotely close to what God has in mind.

The verb submit can be defined as follows:

to yield oneself to the power or authority of another: to submit to a conqueror.
to allow oneself to be subjected to some kind of treatment: as in chemotherapy
to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others: to submit a plan; to submit an application.
to state or urge with deference; suggest or propose: I submit that full proof should be required.

Notice that in all these definitions, the submission is initiated by the one who is ultimately doing the submitting: "To yield oneself," or "To allow oneself". Thus, submission is a personal choice. No one can force someone to submit. When force is involved, we are no longer talking about submission, but rather oppression:

op·press –verb (used with object)
1. to burden with cruel or unjust impositions or restraints; subject to a burdensome or harsh exercise of authority or power.
2. to lie heavily upon (the mind, a person, etc.): Care and sorrow oppressed them.
3. to weigh down, as sleep or weariness does.
4. Archaic. to put down; subdue or suppress.
5. Archaic. to press upon or against; crush. To oppress is usually to subject (a people) to burdens, to undue exercise of authority, and the like; its chief application, therefore, is to a social or political situation: a tyrant oppressing his subjects. 1. maltreat, persecute. —Antonyms 2. uphold, encourage.

In the case of submission, the person who is doing the submitting is in charge. In the case of oppression however, it is the person in authority who is taking charge, not the other way around. The Bible calls women to submit. It does not, however, call men to oppress:

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands . . . Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife (1 Peter 3:1, 7)

Nowhere does the Bible ever say, "Husbands, love your wives and make sure they submit." God gives the submission command directly to the wife. He does not make it the husband's responsibility to see that she submits, rather, it is the wife's responsibility to obey God in the matter. A man who is constantly telling his wife "You need to submit!" is not exhibiting leadership. This type of man is far more concerned with his wife's sin instead of his own. Instead, the man should be focused on his own command from God, which is to honor his wife. And rest assured, God will not honor the man who does not honor his wife:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7, emphasis mine)

Wow! The Bible actually suggests that if a man dishonors his wife, God will not honor his prayers. This verse also re-emphasizes the original intention for the creation design from Genesis 1:28, which is that both men and women are heirs of God's grace. Therefore, we can easily throw out any notions that the Christian faith is oppressive to women because of the command to submit. God cares very much that both sexes are honoring one another.

Knowing that the command to submit comes directly from God and not from another sinful man should be enough to obey. Yet sometimes it is hard to understand why God commands us to submit to our husbands, and not the other way around. Again, when we struggle with this notion, it is because we are assuming that leadership comes only with headship. This is not true. Leadership has less to do with a role or title and more to do with initiative.

Submission, as demonstrated before, is an act of the will. It is something that you initiate. Whenever we initiate something, we are taking leadership over that situation. We are not waiting for someone to give us direction, rather, we are taking it upon ourselves to make a decision and act upon it. When we willfully choose to submit to the men in our lives, these men are not in control -- we are.

No man has the power to control you. This is why God pleads with women in the Bible to submit. The man has enough responsibility of his own as the appointed spiritual leader, and will be held to a higher standard of accountability for it. We are commanded to submit, not because God is some cosmic killjoy, but because we were designed to be the helpers. A refusal to submit is not helping the men in your life. In fact, it is going to make their job harder:

Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you. (Hebrews 13:17)

This passage speaks the truth about leadership. It is not a position of glory to be coveted, but rather, a position with responsibilities of huge proportions. There are serious consequences for leading poorly and irresponsibly, and if not properly supported, a man can fail at this task. He did not ask to be the leader, just as we did not ask to be the helper. Do you see what a burden men carry every day? Do you see the tremendous power and influence you have in this situation? You have the power to either make a man's day, or to completely ruin it.

The Bible gives women so much more power than we give ourselves credit for. How will you use your God given power of submission today?

To Protect and Provide

Posted on November 14, 2007 No Comments
Labels: Silence, Submission

Defining Love Biblically
This summer, I went on a missions cruise to the Bahamas with The Great News Network and I had the privilege of having dinner one evening with author and speaker Josh McDowell. Josh challenged us by asking, “What is the definition of love?” A few of us tried to give a good definition, but could not adequately define it. Finally, Josh told us this: “Love involves two things: protection and provision.”

Think about it. We are loving others whenever we seek to protect them or to provide for them. Try to think of one loving gesture that does not fall into one or both of these categories. You just can’t do it, can you?

For men, it is easy to see where their role comes into play here. There are countless obvious examples of how men protect and provide for the ones they love. But what about women? Are we not called to protect and provide also, or is this solely the job of the men?

Remember, as Christians, we are all commanded to love one another. If the definition of love is to protect and provide, surely women must have a responsibility in this as well. The gender roles God has assigned for us are not necessarily different in purpose, but rather, different in application. The bible commands men to love their wives, but it commands women to respect their husbands. The application here is different, but the goal for both men and women is the same: self sacrifice, and esteeming others as being more important than oneself. According to Feldhahn (2004), men see respect as being synonymous with love. Therefore, we are to protect and provide for men by showing them respect. Here are the two primary ways I believe women are called to protect and provide for the men in their lives that will leave a man feeling honored and respected:

1. We are to PROTECT their reputation and sense of self as capable, trustworthy, honorable men.

2. We are to PROVIDE them with opportunities to take on the masculine leadership role.

When we are constantly seeking to protect and provide for men in this manner, we are setting aside our own needs and desires and putting others first. Consider these examples:

Allowing a young boy to choose where the family will have lunch after church.
Encouraging your brother by saying, "You can do it!" instead of telling him, "Oh here, this is how it's done."
Trusting your pastor(s) with decisions that affect the entire church.
Sharing a story about something wonderful your husband did, instead of telling everyone about the time he was a bungling idiot.
Letting your father try to fix the sink himself before calling a plumber.
Resisting the urge to volunteer for a leadership role at church and waiting to see if a man would like to volunteer instead.
Waiting until you are in private to disagree with something your husband has said in public.

The Bible gives women very clear instructions on how to protect and provide for men. Specifically, we do this through two vehicles: submission and silence. Personally, I think when we read the Bible with a self-focused lens, we see those two commands as being oppressive, but when we read these commands with an others-focused lens, we see that these two directives are not oppressive at all. Rather, they begin to read more like a how-to manual.

Submission and silence, when properly applied, are a woman's ticket to harmonious relationships with the men in her life, not some horribly cruel and unfair burden designed to keep her down. In my next few blog entries, I intend to look at both of these "weapons" of influence in greater detail, and to consider just how powerful they can be, contrary to popular (feminist) opinion.

References

Feldhahn, S. (2004). For women only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men. Atlanta, GA: Multnomah.