Reformed SHEology

LESSONS FROM SHAKESPEARE
My favorite Shakespearean play of all time (ironically, even before I was interested in Biblical femininity) is The Taming of the Shrew. Not many people know this about me, but I studied theatre in college and there was once a time when I wanted to be an actor. There are still some traces of passion for the theatre flowing through my veins, as I reflect on some coveted roles I never got the chance to play. Kate was one of those roles.

I was fortunate enough to perform at least one speech from this play for my acting class. It was, as most Shakespeare buffs may have already guessed, Kate's final monologue. The speech in itself meant so much to me, because so much of it reminds me of my relationship with my beautiful bridegroom Jesus.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, Kate is a rebellious, uncontrollable, and downright nasty woman. No one wants Kate, as she is the least desirable woman in town. But when Petruchio shows up wishing to marry her, she has finally met her match. For the remainder of the play we watch him "tame" his bride by sometimes putting her through difficult testing and trials. In the end, Kate proves to be the very picture of femininity, and brings great honor to her husband when he calls for her obedience to him in public. She not only obeys his command, but reprimands the other wives present for rebelling against their husbands.

Naturally, this play is criticized by feminists worldwide as being sexist and misogynistic, but it is in fact a very symbolic and beautiful picture of how our dear Lord tames each one of us. I will not offer my own commentary on the monologue's imagery, but rather, I will let you meditate on the words for yourself. On this Resurrection Sunday, remember all that Christ had to suffer to tame the wayward shrew in each of our hearts. See how much of Kate's speech you identify with (I have pasted it in its entirety below):

KATE: Fie, fie, unknit that threat'ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee
And for thy maintenance; commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou li'st warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience--
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace,
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway,
Whey they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms,
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown.
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot,
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.

Reformation in the family? What do I mean by Reformation in the family? Using the life of Jacob I will show you what the Lord highlighted in my life which was followed by action on my part. It is my prayer that this will speak to someone who is going or has just gone through similar situations.

Jacob had served twenty years in Paddan-aram (Genesis 31:38) when the Lord commanded him to return to the promised land. It is with uncertainty as to the kind of reception he will receive from his brother, Esau, that he prepares to cross over back into the promised land. As he prepares to send gifts on to pacify his brother and to make arrangements to protect his family, Jacob spends the night alone with the overwhelming desire to pray. This is where we read of His wrestle with God.

Come morning Jacob limps into the promised land and is reconciled with his brother. We read in Genesis 28:20-22 of the vow Jacob made to God;

Then Jacob made a vow, saying “If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and clothing to wear, so that I come again to my father’s house in peace, then the Lord shall be my God, and this stone, which I have set up for a pillar, shall be God’s house. And of all that you give me I will give a full tenth to you.”

And then in Genesis 31:3:

Then the Lord said to Jacob, “Return to the land of your fathers and to your kindred, and I will be with you.”

A Disastrous Move

Not only was Jacob told to return to the promised land but also to his relatives. But Jacob chose to live near Shechem. And as we read through chapter 34 we see the disastrous consequences of this decision. Jacob failed to fulfill his vow.

Why did Jacob settle in Shechem? Not only was it a practical location in terms of rich pasture for his animals but it could also be regarded as a sentimental place as it was the place the Lord had first appeared to Abraham, his grandfather, on entering the promised land (Genesis 12:6-7). We know Even with a clear direction from the Lord Himself of where he was to go, Jacob bought a piece of land in Shechem on which he pitched his tent.

Whether or not one of the reasons was sentiment, we can be certain that in our walk with the Lord it is very dangerous to be led by sentiment. I can unfortunately relate to this.

Back in 1999 I moved over 200 miles from home to start a new life when I was 20. I left behind all I had ever known, both family, friends and a fantastic job, house, everything. I thought the place I moved to was going to be a temporary place to live until I decided what I was going to do next. I wasn’t in this place for more than a month when I met my now husband and months later gave my life to the Lord and remained in this city to the present day. Now during all these years I longed to go back to where I had "come from" purely for sentimental reasons. The grass began to look greener (though it never was) and every time I revisited my old home I felt that God was not with me. Now of course He was but I didn’t feel I was where I was supposed to be. But sentiment and my own sinful desires kept pulling me back. It became my "Shechem" so to speak. I knew God wanted me in "Bethel" but last year, after going through very difficult circumstances I wanted to "buy a piece of land and pitch my tent" in Shechem. Needless to say all sorts trouble occurred while I was there.

Then, thankfully, after going off in my own sinful ways and despairing of the situation God mercifully intervened, brought me to my senses, showed me my sin and called me to repent, give up my idols and "Arise, go up to Bethel and dwell there". My family and I are now having a fresh start right here in "Bethel". Before moving to our new house (this move has coincided with our fresh start!) God showed me what my idol was through the story of Jacob and what I had to do. I went through the house and bagged up anything that linked me to Shechem, all items that had sentimental value that linked me to my old life. I then that evening, with my husband, burnt everything surrendering all to God. While all the remnants of the old life burnt on that fire I became overwhelmed with a feeling that something was lifted from me. A burden that I didn’t even feel before until I willingly gave it up. I kissed my husband and told him that this was not only a symbol that I was committing my all and surrendering to God but also that I am giving myself wholly to my husband as his wife and that this is our fresh start.

Now I know I don’t really come from a place called Shechem or that I live in THE town Bethel, and I am not Jacob, but God used this point in the patriarch's life to speak to me and show me the "idols" in my life. It is the beginning of a "Reformation in my family": a new chapter in my story. I not only burnt those links to the old life but I also removed myself from all worldly and unhelpful associations: any external influences that so easily contaminate and drag us down.

If God has highlighted any idols in your life do as Jacob did and respond immediately and "bury them", repent and seek the one true living God. If we look to Jesus and what He has done for us and we cannot help but be humbled and repentant. Idols can be anything that we value more than Him and place before Him and therefore distract us and cause us to stumble. This could be your call to make a fresh start!

I highly recommend the following book: Theophany: Close Encounters with the Son of God.

Toula: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"
Maria: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants!

The reason this line is a classic is because it is entirely true. God may have given men a leadership role, but He gave women influential power. However, I do not think women realize how much power they have over men. Unfortunately, those who do understand this incredible power tend to exercise their influence in wicked ways. In fact, I did it just this past weekend.

Last week my dad had a cancer scare. He had a bone marrow biopsy and we were waiting to hear the results whether or not he had leukemia. Neither of my parents are saved. I have tried to witness to them ever since I became a Christian in 1993.

About three weeks before I learned my dad may be sick, God put it on my heart to begin praying more prayers focused on his salvation. My parents were very upset and afraid, not knowing what would happen. They asked everyone in creation to pray. Then on Thursday, we learned he did not have cancer after all. I took the opportunity to invite my father and mother to church. They said they’d think about it.

On Saturday night I went out of town, but I called my parents to confirm that they were going to church the next day. My mom told me that they were not going to go because they’d rather go to a water park. I was floored! Here is a man who just had a cancer scare and he gets a clean bill of health, just to blow off an opportunity to learn more about God. I was so angry. I flat out told my parents over the phone, "That's a real snub! Those test results did not have to turn out the way they did. And now you're going to a water park? That is just not right!"

My parents wound up coming to church with me the next day. Throughout the service, they appeared extremely uncomfortable. As soon as the worship began, I immediately felt sorry for manipulating them to come to church by laying a guilt trip on them. I wished I had just offered them the opportunity to come to church on Resurrection Day. But what was done was done.

God is sovereign and He did use the situation. But throughout the entire service I could not shake the feeling that I had manipulated my own father with a wicked use of my female influence. I persuaded my father to come to church out of guilt. I felt awful. I knew I had sinned. In addition to wickedly influencing my dad, I did not trust God enough to work in my dad's heart. The Lord knew my father was going to have to undergo this biopsy -- He nudged me to pray for my dad three weeks before I even knew what was going on. But I had to usurp control from God and from my father by making a decision for my entire family that we were going to church together that weekend.

Why was I tempted in the first place? It was because I rationalized the situation and in my mind, my sin became justified. I assumed that because we live in Orlando, and it is hot all the time, they could go to the water park any time they wanted to -- but we are not guaranteed our next breath. Therefore, it was far better for me to get them to church now, and let them enjoy the water park later, rather than allow them to have fun today when they are not promised tomorrow. I reasoned with myself that they may never have another chance to go to church and hear the gospel. I reasoned that this was the perfect time since my father had to seriously contemplate his own mortality. I assumed my dad would want to come to church out of gratitude for receiving an answer to prayer. And in my mind, that was plenty reason to take control and start calling the shots. As a result, I put my father, whom I am supposed to honor, in a position of submission to me. Ugh. I cringe every time I think about it. Men are visual. We need to influence them by demonstration, not dissertation. There is absolutely no amount of words we can use to convince them of anything.

It is absolutely permissible to influence a man. In fact, God intended that to be woman's primary function. But we should be influencing men in an effort to edify, not to manipulate. Usually, our influence is most successful when we follow this formula: Show, Don't Tell.

Men are visual. We need to influence them by demonstration, not dissertation. There is absolutely no amount of words we can use to convince them of anything. In fact, the more words we use, the more likely the man's eyes will glaze over. We cannot speak to them in our language and expect them to understand. This serves us, but it doesn't serve them.

I have known my father long enough to know that he would not be comfortable at church. My dad has known me long enough to know that there is no place in the world I'd rather be. If I had simply kept my mouth shut, perhaps my father would have asked to come to church. Granted, that is highly unlikely, but if he did, not only would it have been his decision, but he would most likely have done it in an attempt to please me. When I nagged and manipulated, it was my decision, and my father did it out of obligation.

When a man does something for a woman, it usually stems from one of two motives: he is either genuinely trying to please her because he wants to, or he is trying to avoid her criticism. It's clear to me which of those two motives was in my father's heart when he came to church for me. Which of the two motives would the men in your life most likely say drives them to make you happy? Have you been influencing the men in your life in such a way that drives them to want to do whatever they can to genuinely serve you? The difference could cost you the greatest compliment of your life: