Reformed SHEology

When I was a child, I used to love my father's Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young albums. I must have listened to Deja Vu thousands of times. My favorite tracks on that album were "Everybody I Love You," "Carry On," "Helpless," "Four and Twenty," "Teach Your Children," "Woodstock" -- I must confess, the entire album is just a masterpiece. Even though I am a Christian, it remains one of my guilty pleasures to this day.

There is one song from that album though that runs through my head without fail every single time I think about cutting my hair. It's hypnotic. It's addicting. It's an anthem. (Click here for the lyrics).

Obviously, this is a song about rebellion, a favorite of every long-haired hippy and flower child of the Woodstock generation. Ironically, it also appeals to me as a "Reformed SHEologian." For me, growing my hair is an act of counter-rebellion. The Bible says:

Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God (1 Corinthians 11:14-16, ESV.)

Now before anyone accuses me of legalism, let me just make it clear that having long hair or short hair does not affect one's status in the Kingdom of God. We are saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, period. But even as Christians, there are certain practices that are familiar to us which symbolize our regeneration. Baptism is one. The Lord's Supper is another. And I happen to believe that another way we demonstrate that we have embraced God's order in creation is that we present ourselves as male or female by our physical appearance. Our physical appearance is an outward symbol of what's going on in our hearts.

Historically, cutting off one's hair has been a symbol of feminine rebellion for years. Countless movies and television shows will always show a woman cutting her hair after some falling out with a man. For example, the man leaves her for someone half her age, and what is the very next thing we see? The woman going out on the town, charging up all the man's credit cards to get a new wardrobe, a manicure, and of course a drastic haircut. Cutting the hair, especially in an act of "revenge" against a man communicates "I am taking charge of my life!" It is such a powerful image because the woman is taking control of something that she feels belongs to her and her alone: her body.

You might be saying, "So? What's the big deal? It's only hair." Well, here is why I think this is a very subtle, but crucial offense to a Holy God. In a prior post, I wrote the following:

We are in rebellion when we make any decree for ourselves that is against God's design. We are saying that we are in control of our situation, not God. We deny Him of His sovereignty and usurp His place as Most High . . . Whenever we make statements that disagree with Scripture, we are in rebellion. At best, we are insinuating that God's decree could use some fine-tuning. At worst, we allow ourselves to alter God's design completely to suit our own needs. This manifests itself in a wide spectrum of ways, from a simple matter of shirking responsibility or refusing to submit, to declaring oneself to be homosexual or a transgender individual. All of these attitudes are equally sinful because they all stem from the same argument of "I can't help it . . . that's how I was created".

In the above article, I draw a parallel between a simple refusal to submit and a homosexual lifestyle. Both come from the same mindset. If I insist that I have an outspoken personality and "that's how I was created," I will naturally toss aside any commands in God's Word which require me to submit. This is the same argument many homosexuals use to justify their lifestyle: "That's just how I was created." Likewise, when our drastic haircut is accompanied by the phrase, "This is my body and I'll do what I want with it," where is the boundary? Truly an attitude such as this is really no different from the woman who says, "This is my body and I'll fornicate with whomever I want to," or, "This is my body and I have a right to an abortion."

Again, please do not misunderstand where I am coming from. I am not saying cutting one's hair is a sin on par with fornication and murder. I am not saying that cutting one's hair is a sin at all. What I am saying is that the mentality behind some of our motives for cutting our hair is what displeases God. Cutting one's hair is often simply a matter of better hygiene. If your hair is dry or has tattered ends, it can look quite beautiful if it is shorter. In fact, many women wear their hair short and are absolutely stunning.

But cutting one's hair can be construed as sinful when it is done in an effort to undermine, rebel against, or equate oneself with male leadership or God's design. For example, in Splendor in the Grass, our film of the month, Deenie Loomis (Natalie Wood) is seen cutting off her hair after the infamous "bathtub scene." (See it here at 6:50.) Deenie has chosen to preserve her virginity as her mother advises. But when her boyfriend fornicates with another girl, she rages at her mother, saying, "I'm not spoiled! I'm just as fresh and as virginal as the day I was born! I'm a good little girl, mom! A good little, good little, good little girl! I always did everything daddy and mommy told me! I obeyed every word!" In the next scene we see Deenie hacking away at her hair with a pair of scissors. Deenie cuts her hair in a fit of anger, pain, and desperation. She tries to drop her "good girl" image in an effort to win back her boyfriend. This is the type of mentality that rejects God's prescription for holiness.

Although not every woman cuts her hair for these reasons, an overwhelming majority of us have cut our hair at least once in our lifetimes in an effort to "shed" our femininity. Cutting one's hair has become so synonymous with rebellion against traditional womanhood, I have chosen to counter-rebel against this practice by growing mine.


Truly, the only reason I cut my hair short was because I didn't have time to take care of it. I always said that I was too busy to worry about something as trivial as my hair. I wanted my morning routine to be easy, and eliminating an extra twenty minutes on my hair seemed like a good idea. But I thought to myself, if growing my hair is something that would show God that I have fully submitted to Him, shouldn't I make time for it? If the only reason I am not wearing my hair long is because it's a nuisance, what else will I cut short? Will I also sacrifice my daily study of God's Word, assuming I don't have time for that either? I know God doesn't love me any more with longer hair than with shorter hair. But this Jesus Freak feels like letting her freak flag fly. Let's just say, "I feel like I owe it to Someone."

My first job was at a local neighborhood bagel shop. Three times a week I would work from 2:30-6pm after school in a privately owned, delicatessen-type establishment that was run by a very arrogant and pompous man. I was only fourteen years old, so I was paid under the books, below minimum wage. I was always on time. I always went above and beyond the call of duty. And when I had finished any task I was given, I’d report back to my boss. He’d look at me and say, “Now you can scrub the tables,” or, “Go dump out the old bagels.” On occasion, he’d just stare at me and say nothing.

I worked there for eight months, which in high school years is like a golden anniversary. One day, I announced to my boss that I had not only cleaned the bathroom, but I had also taken the liberty of fixing the paper towel dispenser that was falling off the wall. He looked at me and said, “Do you want a medal?” His wife quietly replied in my defense, “Sometimes it’s nice to hear a thank you.” He looked at me as though I was the biggest nuisance in the world and in a sharp, staccato tone said, "Thank you, Jen!" Clearly he was mocking my desire for a word of approval. I nodded and walked away, wondering why nothing I ever did seemed to please this man.

Two weeks later, the baker robbed the store. He grabbed a bunch of money from the cash register and ran. I was not even there when it happened. But I got fired. That’s right – I got fired! I was supposed to work until 6pm and I left at 6pm. The man who normally came every night to lock up was running late, so a coworker agreed to stay behind and wait. Since I was not there to “defend” the register when this grown man decided to come in and rob the place, my boss took his revenge out on me.For months I internalized feelings of shame as I drove myself nearly insane trying to figure out what I had done wrong, and what, if anything, I could have done better to have prevented the loss of my job.

After eight months of showing this man complete loyalty, faithfulness, and dedication, he fired me for something that I had no control over. And he wasn't nice about it, either. He called me unexpectedly on a very quiet evening and proceeded to yell at me in his big, bad "man" voice. He cursed and screamed, and posed questions to me like, "What is wrong with you?" and, "What are you, an idiot?" I did not even know the store had been robbed. He never told me. He just open fired. It was nothing short of devastating. The rejection I suffered was painful, confusing, and unfair. For months I internalized feelings of shame as I drove myself nearly insane trying to figure out what I had done wrong, and what, if anything, I could have done better to have prevented the loss of my job.

Ironically, my drastic reaction to being rejected stemmed from biblical truth. The Bible says that woman was created for man (1 Corinthians 11:9). Our whole entire reason for existing is to support the men around us. I am not a man, and I do not know what kind of painful feelings men go through when they are rejected. But I am convinced that the single worst feeling that a woman experiences when she is rejected by a man is the feeling that her entire reason for existing has been utterly dismissed. When a man no longer has any use for us, we feel as though we have been rendered completely unnecessary. It can feel as though we no longer have a function. Depression sets in quickly because not only are we grieving the loss of a man’s company and the security of our regular routine as dictated by him, we are coming to grips with the idea that we are no longer valued. It makes sense why God would command men to love us. If our entire reason for existing is to devote ourselves to them, what we want in return more than anything else in the world is the assurance that we are loved, or at least appreciated. But what do we do when we feel we are not loved or appreciated?

The first thing we must do is to assess our motives for serving. If in fact we are only serving the men around us in order to gain a sense of approval from them, we are really seeking our own need to be liked, appreciated, or even admired. Underneath it all, some of us may simply be fishing for a compliment. If that compliment doesn't come, it doesn't automatically mean that we are not appreciated. It simply means that the appreciation was not expressed in the manner we had hoped. When we feel rejected, we must always examine our motives in the context of that relationship. If we find our motives are not pure, then we repent of that selfishness and the feeling of rejection goes away.

But because men are sinners just like we are, there are those times when the rejection we experience is real. In this case, we must still be careful to guard our hearts. For example, when my boss fired me, the first reaction I had was one of terror. But once the initial shock wore off, the fear gave way to pride. At the tender age of fifteen, I uttered for the very first time the words of disbelief spoken by every woman who has ever been rejected without warning: “After all I’ve done for him!”

When we are rejected, we must be careful not to compensate for our feelings of low self-worth by becoming puffed up. Saying desparaging things about the man, or over-inflating our own good qualities in an effort to make us feel better is sin on both ends. The only cure for the hurt and pain is to turn to the cross. The cross has a wonderful way of leveling the playing field on both sides. It enables us to forgive the person who rejected us when we put ourselves in his shoes, remembering the many times we have rejected The Lord. It also helps us to forgive that person when we consider the way that God has forgiven us over and over and over again.

Finally, when we are rejected, we must be strong in our duty to continue serving. The Bible says "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9). Because every person we come in contact is a sinner, we can rest assured we will be rejected again and again. We cannot just shut down and avoid having relationships in an effort to avoid rejection. We must continue serving others, but we must also use discretion. "Continuing to serve" does not necessarily mean we continue to serve the individual who hurt us. Forgiveness is required of us always, but reconciliation is not mandatory. There may be good reason to separate yourself from someone who is abusive or cannot be trusted. But we cannot allow ourselves to grow weary of doing good to those who are blameless. We cannot go on in the present punishing the innocent for the sins of the guilty committed against us in the past. If you are suffering from the bondage of rejection, know that you can break those chains and be free to serve others in Christ. Here is a wonderful message by Charles Stanley called, "Release from the Bondage of Rejection." It runs approximately 50 minutes in length, or you can also skim the sermon outline by clicking here.

As a theatre major in college, I learned all too well how art imitates life. Sometimes the angst and sorrow we face in life can best be expressed by fictitious characters. We laugh with them, cry with them, and learn from their mistakes. In April I attempted to dissect the film Now Voyager in accordance with a "theme" I had designated for the month. This didn't work for several reasons, the primary one being that are just too many themes inherent in a good story that one can't really give them all the proper attention they deserve in a weekly blog post. That being said, I will instead simply recommend a film every month, and encourage the readers to apply the themes discussed on this site to the characters in the story. Sometimes, viewing ourselves in the plight of the characters can give us an introspective look at the consequences of our own sinful behavior.

This month's featured film is Splendor in the Grass, the story of two young lovers whose relationship is destroyed by sin. It is for this reason one of the most heartbreaking stories of all time. As you watch the mistakes made on both sides, consider how your own behavior in your courtship or marriage is affected by sin.

STATS
Year: 1961 (Not Rated)
William Inge (writer), Elia Kazan (director)
Starring Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty in his first film role
Setting: Southern Kansas, 1928 (just prior to the Great Depression)
Won 1962 Oscar for best screenplay and best actress (Natalie Wood)
Content warning: Some scenes contain intense kissing and several references to fornication. One scene features showgirls in revealing costumes.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR
1. Dating without accountability. Even when two people are sincerely in love, emotions that are not kept under control can result in heartbreak should the spoken intentions never come to fruition. Bud and Deenie's hearts were so emotionally intertwined, the pain resulting from the end of their relationship could be comparable to that of a divorce.

2. The goodness of marriage. If God brings someone special into your life and there is no good reason to postpone the union, the Bible encourages you to marry (1 Corinthians 7). Had Bud not postponed his desire to marry Deenie, the hope and promise of being able to eventually consummate the relationship with Deenie may have helped him resist temptation.

3. The pain of sin. This story is about two single people, however married viewers can see how important it is to remain faithful to their sexual commitment, else they be tempted outside the marriage. Sexual desire leads to sexual sin. Sin is a threat to relationships.

4. The power of love. The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins. In spite of the pain Bud caused her, Deenie still loves him. In spite of his pride, and in spite of the fear that he no longer deserves her, Bud still loves Deenie and is heartbroken over having hurt her.

5. The plans of man. The Bible says that in his heart, man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps (Proverbs 16:9). Sometimes we can do everything according to God's laws, but that doesn't guarantee things will always go the way we want them to. We can become confused and question God's goodness when our choice to do the right thing results in pain and heartbreak. (The bathtub scene where Deenie says, "I'm a good little, good little, good little girl!" is gut-wrenching.) But it is important to remember that God is always good, no matter what happens.

TRIVIA
The film's title comes from William Wordsworth's poem "Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood":

What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind...

Want a preview? Here is the original trailer of this classic film: