Reformed SHEology

Over the past year or so, I have found myself in several discussions where the question will be posed, "What is forgiveness?" The individual who initially raised the question will then proceed to demonstrate that forgiveness is not required of a Christian until repentance occurs first. The reasoning goes like this: The Bible says we are to extend forgiveness to others, just as God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). This naturally inspires a follow-up question, How has God forgiven us? The response is, He forgives us when we repent. Of course, we should always be ready and willing to forgive, but we do not actually extend forgiveness until the other party repents. We don't hold a grudge against that person, but that is not the same thing as forgiveness. Only when true repentance takes place can true forgiveness really happen.

If you have ever been exposed to this definition of forgiveness, please know that this is not biblical.

First, the reasoning of "how has God forgiven me?" has already presented itself as flawed the moment we attempt to answer the question with "when". When and how address two completely separate issues. When addresses the issue of timing -- the sequencing or the order in which a thing occurs. How addresses the means by which an action is accomplished. To answer "How does God forgive me?" with, "When I repent" is to evade the real question being asked. Even if this were an appropriate response, it would still be incorrect from a reformed perspective. According to reformed theology, we do not initiate anything. God forgave us first. He did not wait for us to repent. The Bible says Christ died for us while we were yet his enemies (Romans 5:8). We respond as a result of irresistible grace. So in response to the question of when does God forgive, it's not when I repent. It has already happened before I've even realized that I sinned.

So on to the real question: How does God forgive? Let's look at the verse that sparked the question in the first place:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:23).

According to the context, we are clearly told how God forgives: with kindness and tenderheartedness. This is how we forgive someone. We love them. We are not angry, or judgmental, or rude (see 1 Corinthians 13). The context of this passage tells us we are to forgive in a loving manner. There are no exceptions.

But what about those scriptures that seem to say that we are not to forgive unless someone first repents? For instance:

If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, (Luke 17:3).

It certainly does appear that we are only to forgive on the condition that the other person repents first. But remember, the chapters and verses are not inspired. They are not Scripture. Only the words are inspired. In order to understand what the Lord is saying, you must read His complete thought:

If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him. (Luke 17:3-4).

Now we all know that someone who is going to repeat a sin seven times in one day and just arbitrarily says, "I repent" is not very repentant at all! But what Jesus is saying here is, "Whether the person is repentant or not, you have two choices: forgive, or forgive." It's not so much a conditional as it is a command. Forgiveness is not optional.

So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness means you relieve the other person of a debt -- they no longer owe you anything to compensate you for the damage they did. You do not become angry with the sinner any more. You do not continually play the scene over and over in your head. You do not hold it against the person. We are to forgive as God forgives: completely. The Bible says, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." We are to remove that sin from our memory as well. This can be very difficult when the person continues to sin against us. This is one of the reasons I believe we are told to avoid people who do not repent. Their repetitive sinful actions against us will eventually wear us down and drain us of our love for them. It is markedly more difficult to forgive a person when the wound is fresh. By separating from a person who will not repent, we are protecting that person from sinning against us further. We are also protecting that person from our own anger and unforgiveness.

This is especially applicable when the offender has committed an unusually heinous sin. The final objection to forgiveness is presented along these lines. For example, what if the person sexually abused you as a child? What if they never said they were sorry? What does God expect of you in a case like this?

Well, here are your choices, according to the Bible: 1) Forgive that person; or 2) Forgive that person. The severity of the sin does not matter. You are commanded to forgive. Situations like this make it very, very tempting to justify unforgiveness by manipulating the Scriptures so that they read the way we want them to read: "If he repents, then forgive him." We may even say, "How can God expect me to forgive this person when his sin is so great?" There is nothing people have done to you that you haven't done to God one hundred times worse.

Let's put this into perspective. Whatever that person did to you, they sinned against another sinner. But you sinned against a Holy God. Which sin is worse? If I step on a bug, it will go completely unnoticed. If I kill a dog, I may have some explaining to do. If I kill a homeless man, I'll probably be prosecuted for it. If I kill the President of the United States, I'll get locked up for a long time. Reader, you killed Jesus Christ. What do you think He'll say when you look Him in the eye one day and tell Him you couldn't forgive that other person because they _________ (fill in the blank)?

There is nothing people have done to you that you haven't done to God one hundred times worse. God forgave you. So you should forgive your brother, just as God forgave you.

Is there someone in your life that you have not forgiven? Consider your choices as outlined in Luke 17:3-4. You can forgive, or you can forgive. You have no other options. If you haven't forgiven someone, remember, unforgiveness is a sin in itself. You may have some repenting of your own to do.

Although I have only been covering my head for four months or so, one thing I have found among women is that the "when" is something women struggle with a lot. In my four short months of examining this topic for myself, it seems the turmoil surrounds 1 Thessalonians 5:17, which encourages us to "pray without ceasing." When it comes to headcovering, many women wonder if this passage should be used when deciding whether or not to cover full time. In 1 Corinthians 11, we are told that a woman should cover when she prays, but in 1 Thessalonians, we are told to pray without ceasing. Most of us (myself included) have entertained the obvious logical conclusion: if I am to pray without ceasing, then perhaps I am also to cover without ceasing. There is nothing inherently wrong with this logic. In fact, I think this is logic is correct. However, I'm not so sure we're approaching the meaning of "without ceasing" correctly.

In my experience, most people immediately interpret the phrase "without ceasing" to automatically be applied to the action of prayer, rather than the practice of prayer. There is a distinct difference between action and practice. For example, how would you interpret this statement:

"Jennifer exercised for 30 minutes without stopping."

In this statement, I am implying that the action of exercising did not stop for 30 minutes. I exercised and continued exercising for 30 minutes, and then afterwards, I ceased to exercise. Now, how would you interpret this statement:

"Jennifer exercised for 30 days without stopping."

In this statement, I am implying that the practice of exercise did not stop for 30 days. Perhaps I exercised in the morning, or after work, or some other time during my normal day and I continued in this daily routine for 30 days without missing a day. I am not suggesting that I literally exercised for 30 days, not taking time to eat, rest, use the bathroom, go to work, or write for my blog, and I doubt anyone would mistake my words to mean I literally exercised for 30 days! Because this is a physically impossible task, we have no other choice than to automatically apply my statement to the practice or routine of exercise, rather than the literal action of exercise.

Many of us choose to interpret "without ceasing" in 1 Thessalonians 5 as referring to the action of prayer, whereas it is merely talking about the practice of prayer. I can pray without ceasing for 30 minutes. But eventually I am going to have to stop so I can go about the rest of my day. However, I plan on returning to my time of prayer tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and I plan to do this "without ceasing." See the difference? I may not cover full time, but I have been covering for four months without ceasing -- in church and at home, and I don't care what anybody says -- I don't plan on stopping.

I also believe if we interpret the benediction to "pray without ceasing" as another way of describing the degree to which the first of the Ten Commandments should be carried out, then in a sense we will be communicating with Him constantly, "without ceasing." This further demonstrates how the action of praying without ceasing simply cannot be carried out to this degree, because there is none righteous. We will always fail in this area, and think about something or desire something other than God from time to time. The Ten Commandments are more like a mirror to show us how much we fall short of righteousness. When I know I am not even capable of carrying out this commandment perfectly, it becomes a matter of legalism for me to wear the cover 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, when I know I'm not worshipping God 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am told in 1 Corinthians 11 to cover when I pray or prophesy. But if I cannot perform these actions 24/7, then I do not need to be covered 24/7.

While it is possible for me to cover all the time, if I am not praying or prophesying all the time, the emphasis then is placed on the external, rather than the internal. Jesus called the Pharisees and others like this "whitewashed tombs." What the Lord has always cared about first and foremost is the heart. What good will it do for me to have a covered head, for example, when someone cuts me off in traffic? In moments like this, the last thing I am thinking about is praying or prophesying. (Far from it!)

That's just my personal conviction of how to handle the "when" of covering. I would not criticize anyone who covered any more or less frequently than I do, because there is good reason for a woman to cover "full time." That reason is -- she loves doing it! Let's look at Mark 2 for a moment:

23One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, they began to pick some heads of grain. 24The Pharisees said to him, "Look, why are they doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?" 25He answered, "Have you never read what David did when he and his companions were hungry and in need? 26In the days of Abiathar the high priest, he entered the house of God and ate the consecrated bread, which is lawful only for priests to eat. And he also gave some to his companions." 27Then he said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. 28So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath."

I use this passage to guide my decisions about when to cover. Headcovering was made for women, not women for headcovering. The cover is more for us than it is for God. The cover is there for our encouragement. If you want to cover full time because it makes you happy, then I say, go for it! I honestly believe God gave us the covering as a way to be comforted. If you cover because you want to, then praise God! But if you cover because you feel you have to do it, or if you feel condemned for only doing it part of the time, this is not of God! The last thing He would want is for us to view it as a source of anxiety. The Lord reminds us in Romans 8:1 that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. In addition, we are told that fear is not from God (1 Timothy 1:7).

I will also share that my uncovered times give me a greater sense of appreciation for my covered times. There are times I'll be with a group of folks just fellowshipping when someone suddenly says, "Hey, why don't we take a moment and pray for Mary, for safe travels?" I will feel naked praying without the cover, but I know God doesn't honor my prayer any less. If it bothers me that much, I will carry a small scarf in my purse for such occasions, but unless I know I will be engaging in a time of planned prayer or worship, I do not worry about covering.

When I utter a quick, spontaneous prayer, such as "Father, I took a wrong turn and I am lost, please help me find my way back," I am not so worried about being uncovered as I am being on a strange, desolate road in the middle of the night all alone and my fuel is getting low. But when I plan to have a time of private prayer and worship at home, and I drape that veil over my head, it does something to me. God is unchanging, but when I choose to cover, something happens to me inside: suddenly I am more aware of His presence and His protection over me. My focus is steadfast, my concentration only on Him. It changes my posture and my attitude, much like anything else I wear. If I go out of the house wearing torn jeans and sneakers, I am going to feel very different than if I go out of the house in a ballgown and high heels. And as beautiful as I feel being dressed that way, I know it is not appropriate to dress like that all the time. The covering does something similar for me -- it keeps me grounded in prayer and worship. So in this manner again, I say, the covering is more for me than it is for God. It is His gift to me, much like the Sabbath.

I will share with you one last story about how my covering habits relate to the idea of "without ceasing." When I first started covering, most of the people in my life told me that perhaps this was just a "phase" I was going through. Some assumed that if I should get married, I'd abandon the practice because my husband would become my covering. Some suggested that God was only testing my obedience and may one day release me from this practice. All I can say is, I may not cover full time, but I have been covering for four months without ceasing -- in church and at home, and I don't care what anybody says -- I don't plan on stopping. Why? The Bible encourages me to keep right on covering.

Anyway, I hope this also offers more insight and understanding to people regarding the practice of headcovering. I honestly did not expect to be writing so much on the subject, but since there appears to be a need to address it, I am going to continue to post my thoughts on this issue as God leads. Whether you decide to cover full time, once a week, or once in a while, my suggestion to you is that whatever God lays on your heart, obey the Spirit and continue in that practice without ceasing.

May God bless you!

As promised in my prior post on headcovering, I agreed to share my own personal experience as a covering woman in a non-covering church. We've already discussed the why, so now let's take a look at the what, where, when and how of headcovering.

What Type of Cover Should I Wear?
This was probably the first question I had. After doing a bit of research on the internet, I found that there were many different types of headcovering for Christian women to choose from. There are doilies, hats, snoods, headscarves, veils, turbans, shawls, bonnets, and caps, to name a few. So which one is the "correct" choice? Personally, I think it is a matter of personal preference. Contrary to popular belief, headcovering is not a matter of modesty, rather, the Scripture indicates it is a symbol of authority. Similar to baptism, the cover is an outward sign of an inward change. Therefore, the face or hair does not have to be covered. The crown of the head should be covered first and foremost. The rest is details.


I wanted my covering to be big enough so that it would be obvious that I was covering and not just wearing an oversized hair accessory. This was not because I wanted to flaunt what I was doing, rather, it was to prevent me from being embarrassed of covering. While I am extremely attracted to the various decorative doilies that are available, I knew that I would be less conspicuous if I wore one. The same goes for hats. Many people today wear hats just to be stylish, and I didn't want the safety net of blending in. In addition, hats are not practical. They take up far too much storage space in the closet, and one must take great pains to protect the hat from being crushed. Not to mention, an oversized brim can be extremely annoying to the person sitting behind you in church!

The headscarf became my headcovering of choice (followed by the shawl) for several reasons: first, they take up very little storage space. This allows you to always have one handy in your bag or purse. You can keep several dozen in a dresser drawer or storage bin. They are also very versatile additions to your regular, everyday wardrobe. Finally, they are fairly inexpensive, making it easy to own several of them and get really creative with tying them and matching them to your outfit.


Where & When Should I Cover?
The Bible says a woman should cover whenever she is praying or prophesying. Scripture also tells us to pray without ceasing. Some have made the personal decision to always be covered for this reason. I have chosen a different approach. Because this is a symbol that has great meaning to me, I do not want it to become a boring habit (no pun intended). This reasoning compares with the manner in which we observe the Lord's Supper. The Lord's Supper is not observed every single time we are with the brethren. Most Christians will not observe communion at Bible study or casual fellowship. Rather, they will only observe this ordinance on Sundays in corporate gatherings. My church takes this a step further -- we only observe the Lord's Supper on the first Sunday of the month. This prevents the Lord's Supper from becoming an ordinary ritual that grows dull in our hearts.

Likewise, I have patterned my headcovering choices after this reasoning. I choose only to cover during all corporate and individual times of worship, prayer, and teaching that are planned. Basically, I cover every Sunday in church, and during my quiet time with God. I do this to keep the meaning of my covering fresh. I personally feel if I covered all the time, it would be more about the covering than about the Lord and eventually become a thing of legalism. But again, I believe each woman needs to discern for herself where and when she will cover.

How Do I Handle The Reactions of Others?
This one simply takes some getting used to. There were many different reactions I encountered when I began covering. I go to a church that has roughly 500 people on any given Sunday, and with the exception of one woman who is a missionary to India (and covers with doilies and bonnets) I am the only woman who covers in my church. I knew it might be a little weird for some folks, so the first thing I did was I announced my decision to those closest to me (including my pastor). This gave me moral support for the first few weeks in the beginning. It also prepared these individuals ahead of time, and was less of a shock to them when I did begin covering.

The first thing I noticed when I started covering was that many people didn't recognize me. I had many people treat me as though I was a first time visitor and greet me very warmly. So it was nice to go "undercover" (pun intended) and see how my church treats a visitor.

Some folks were extremely upset with my decision, and I was fully prepared for this. I know the reason why 99% of Christian women do not cover today is because they've either been taught it is a cultural thing, or because the practice was forced on them in a legalistic fashion. Knowing why I cover and being able to communicate this to the critics has made all the difference. In fact, many realized immediately after being provided with a logical explanation that their condemnation of a woman who covers by choice is no different than the condemnation of women who cover by force. They quickly changed their minds and are now accepting of my decision.

One thing I was not prepared for was the reaction of the men at my church. Several men approached me and asked me flat out if I was observing 1 Corinthians 11. When I said yes, they lit up like a Christmas tree. Many have expressed their support by telling me how beautiful, admirable, and encouraging it is for them to see a woman covering on her own.

A third reaction came from other women who have become intrigued with my covering. I have had three married women approach me with questions on my practice. One has made the decision to cover, easing into it with hats and now has graduated to draping a shawl over her head. Two others have confided in me that they have a deep desire to cover, but their husbands will not allow it. When I asked why, they said, "He just doesn't want me doing it." I have a feeling these husbands are afraid others will think they forced their wives to cover. This is a sad commentary on the culture's view of Biblical Femininity. When a simple headcovering is popularly viewed as an instrument of female oppression, no man wants to appear as though he is forcing that on his wife.

This is why it has been a real blessing for me to be covering as a single woman. There is no man "forcing" me to do this. Coming to church week after week with a scarf on my head is not only a sign to the angels, but also to those husbands and other women in my church that this is not about oppression -- it's about empowerment!

I have been covering now for almost four months in a non-covering church and people still look at me funny, but I think they're getting used to it. People no longer treat me like a visitor -- they now recognize me for who I am. Another fun thing is that the cover is a great identifier. If I have a visitor come to my church, they will often tell an usher they are looking for me and describe me as "the woman with the headscarf" and the usher is able to find me right away, even if I decide to change where I normally sit. One thing that I still experience though, is people staring at my head. Many will greet me each Sunday, look me in the eyes, smile, and then it never fails -- I see their gaze move from my eyes to my head. I suppose in a way that makes the headcovering a good argument for modesty, because if everyone is looking at my head, I know they're not looking where they shouldn't!

Conclusion
Overall, the decision to cover is one that comes with great study and prayer. A woman who chooses to cover publicly should be thoroughly prepared for the reactions, whispers, and questions she may experience from others. Although her first few public appearances as a covered woman will be a bit distracting for her nonetheless, being unprepared can further distract that woman's attention from worship and from the Sunday message.

Once a woman understands why she is covering and is able to provide an answer to those who ask, her next task is learning how to wear the covering. A covering that comes loose or constantly falls off in church can be yet another distraction to the covering woman and others around her. In my next post, I plan to address some tricks and tips for keeping that fabric on your head!