Thursday, January 10, 2008

Where Are All The Women At?


I originally began this blog as a resource for women, but I've discovered I have a slight problem: women don't read my blog.

After two months it appears that most of my readers are men. I sent my blog to all my female friends. I even sent the link to the list of women in a women's Bible study I belong to. None of these women have read my blog. In fact, I only know of one woman who reads my blog regularly, and actually enjoys it too. (At least, that's what she tells me.) So it leads me to wonder, where are all the women?

First, I just want to say that I think it's really nice that so many men read this blog. It shows that men are concerned, or at least curious, about what goes on inside the mind of a woman. It shows that men are interested in what women think, in what they have to say, or how they perceive things. (Quite a contrast from what the feminist movement says about men, eh?) But what does it say about the women?

I think it says that women are not interested in this blog, and I suspect it is because they are doing a poor job of educating other women on what it means to be biblically feminine. Just Google some phrase like, "Christian Woman," and a million sites will come up that will focus on just one thing: "Encouraging women to be wives and mothers." This is such a limited way to definine femininity.Just Google some phrase like, "Christian Woman," and a million sites will come up that will focus on just one thing: "Encouraging women to be wives and mothers." This is such a limited way to definine femininity.

Before I joined Metro Life Church, I belonged to another congregation that had a mentoring ministry based on Titus 2. When I inquired about having an older woman mentor me, I was turned away and told that I could not participate in the program because I was not married. I was absolutely furious. Why would a church deny one of its members a request for accountability? Why would a church turn away a member who was pursuing godliness and sanctification? Because that church has not a clue what it means to be a woman.

"Wives" and "mothers" are roles women are called to fulfill. But these roles do not define what God had in mind when He created us. The Bible says He created them male and female. It does not say He created them husbands and wives. It does not say He created them fathers and mothers. It says He created them male and female.

So it is possible to be fully female and not be a wife and a mother. But in many women's minds, if you don't write about baking cookies and getting out those tough grass stains, you don't have much of a blog. I personally think this misunderstanding is one of the reasons so many young, single, childless women are drawn to feminism. When we as Christians insist that Biblical femininity is nothing more than being a wife or a mother, where does that leave the single, childless woman? It leaves her feeling as though she has nothing to contribute. I personally believe this is why women don't read my blog.

I feel there are most likely two kinds of Christian women out there. Both have been brainwashed into believing that this is all there is to being female, but some have bought into it and will look no further at what true biblical femininity is. Others are disgruntled because they currently don't fit that definition. So in a nutshell, most women probably will not read this blog because:

a) They are wives and mothers looking for cake recipes and laundry tips. I do not write about these things, so they figure there's nothing for them here and move on.
b) They are single, childless women who just assume that this is yet another blog about cake recipes and laundry tips, so they figure there's nothing for them here and move on.

Being a woman is about being a helper. Any woman can be a helper. You don't need a husband or children to help people in need. You just need to be willing to help. Being a woman is about submitting to male leadership and respecting men. You don't need a husband to do that. You just have to be willing to yield to and respect the men around you. It's that simple!

So I've got a problem. I have this blog, and I have a vision now of turning it into an online community where men and women can encourage each other toward godliness in their sovereignly chosen gender. But how will that be accomplished if the women aren't interested? I know men are reading this blog, but will any of them have the courage to sign up for a message board with a title like Reformed SHEology?

Nevertheless, I am pressing forward as God leads, and so far, Reformed SHEology is taking on a life of its own. As God leads, I have seen it transform in only two months from being just another blog about women encouraging women, to a blog with a focus of women encouraging women encouraging men. This is why God put us here. This is why God put all of us here -- to encourage, edify, and care for one another. Women may demonstrate this by baking cookies, and men may demonstrate this by killing spiders. But it is vitally important to understand that baking cookies and killing spiders is not our primary reason for being here. Loving one another is.

So men, if you are reading this, please consider encouraging the women in your lives toward a better understanding of what it means to be a woman. Help her to understand that no matter how tender and juicy the Thanksgiving turkey is, there is not a shred of femininity in her heart if she is disrespectful to you. Praise her not for the way she irons your shirts or keeps the home in order. Praise her for her loyalty. Praise her for her trustworthiness. Praise not your wife only, but your daughter, your sister, your mother, your friend. Regardless of whether she is married or single, she is still a woman. And that is how she was created.

9 comments:

Kurt said...

I am experiencing the opposite regarding my blog, where women mostly read/comment more than the men.

If I could make a book recommendation for your readers, Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It is an excellent book!

Keep up the good work Jen. I enjoy reading your blog. :-)

Jennifer said...

Hey, Kurt! I think I'll add that to my reading list -- I'm planning on doing some book reviews, once I finish reading a book! (I'm reading about four simultaneously right now.)Why do you think more women comment on your blog than men?

Geraldine said...

Hey Jen, Remember me from EBC-11? I have just found your blog and the posts are very powerful. I have forwarded this to another friend who i know will be blessed by your blog. :-)

Jennifer said...

A woman speaks! Geraldine I am so happy to see you here. Thank you so much for your comment and God bless you!

Ana Baptist said...

In practical terms, how do single women submit to multiple men when they may want conflicting things?

Jennifer said...

Hi, Ana. Thanks for your question. I'm not really sure if you have a specific situation in mind, but every situation is different. I wouldn't expect many issues to fall into a nice, cookie-cutter procedure of submission.

In this sense "submitting" to men is primarily about giving them opportunities to lead. It's more about nurturing their masculinity by encouraging them to take charge. There is a post under the "Singleness" category called "Helper to every Man, Mother to Every Child" that may explain better what I mean.

Hope this helps, and thanks for stopping by!

Natasa said...

I am reading and enjoying here... I am married but I want to read thing that inspired me to learn more and think more...

Jennifer said...

Hi, Natasa. This post was written when the blog was only about 8 weeks old and I was frustrated because none of the women I knew personally seemed to be interested. Now, after a year, I have more women reading than men (to my knowledge). So I got what I wanted -- thanks to Ana Baptist for digging up this old post. Now I see how impatient I was when I wrote this. I should have waited on God just a little longer!

You can see why we do the themes of the month. They keep us on target and prevent us from "venting" our frustrations here :)

404momi said...

404momi was here! Glad to have found your blog!