Reformed SHEology

I am a big fan of the old Twilight Zone Television series. There's this one episode you may remember. It's called, "I Sing The Body Electric." In this episode, three children lose their mother to some illness, and in an effort to fill the void that she left behind, their father decides to get a robot modeled after a kindly older woman. "Grandma" is not just any robot. She is actually capable of love. The three children reach adulthood under electric Grandma's tender loving care, and at the end of the story, just before they all go off to college, Grandma explains that her job is done, and so she will be heading back to the factory to be recycled. The kids thank her for everything and that's pretty much it. There are no tears when faced with the knowledge that they will be losing their dear Grandma. Unlike their real mother, who died, Grandma can never die. She will live on with different body parts, and be sent to another family to help raise those children. But one has to wonder if the lack of emotion is because she will never die, or because the children never really had a true relationship with her in the first place. After all, she is not a real human being.

The title of this episode comes from a poem by Walt Whitman by the same name. Whitman celebrates the human body as something sacred, and ponders the interconnectedness of all human beings. The Twilight Zone, in its traditional fashion, has taken this idea to a place of irony by offering a commentary on what might happen in the future if we forget how precious human beings are. Perhaps one of the reasons I love The Twilight Zone is that I often feel as though someone from the past is trying to warn me about the future. It is not uncommon for me to look around at the world I live in and realize that these predictions, thinly disguised as science fiction, have come true in many ways.

Tonight I spoke over the phone with someone about the fact that there are most likely some folks out there who associate some sort of notoriety with our label. Thanks to Facebook, we're fairly well-known on some level. But in spite of all the people out there in cyberland who appreciate what we're doing here, the truth is there isn't a single person in my church who has any clue that this blog even exists!

It's not that I've kept it a secret. I haven't gone to the other extreme of promoting my blog to my friends, either. From time to time, I've mentioned casually that I have a blog. I may have even given the web address to a few folks. But for some reason, my blog has not really caught on among the people I know personally. And I will confess, that has me feeling a bit empty and lonely this evening. It also leads me to a very interesting thought: What does the future hold for interpersonal relationships, considering that the people who know me best have never heard of this blog, which is such a huge part of my life?

While I am very thankful for the support of our readers, I can't help feeling at times that each of you is like an electric grandmother to me, filling the void that a real human being has left behind. And I imagine there are times I come across as an electric grandmother to you in return. I think of all the stay-at-home moms who don't have anyone over the age of four to talk to all day. I think about how many of them might turn to blogs like this to gain some sense of interconnectedness with other human beings. As a single person, I too have experienced this type of loneliness. I come home from work and there is no one to talk to, no one calling on the phone, and no new emails. It's frightening to think that email is quickly becoming an outdated form of communication in our present age of Twitter and text messaging. If you're not on a social networking site these days, you may as well be living in an isolated bomb shelter.

Cyber-relationships are a lot like the "Body Electric" robots. They provide us with something that we were previously missing, but they can never replace the real, flesh-and-blood relationships that we have face-to-face with the people God has placed in our immediate vicinity. Blogs, Facebook, MySpace and the like are wonderful tools, but they should never take the place of genuine relationships.

Christ died to break down the wall between us and the Father . . . Why then, do we insist on rebuilding that wall, only to work tirelessly to tear it down again ourselves?Christ died to break down the wall between us and the Father. The Bible tells us that when His work was accomplished on the cross, the veil was torn in two from top to bottom. It was not torn from the bottom up. In other words, God himself tore that veil to symbolize the removal of the barrier of sin that not only stood between us and Him, but also between one another. Because of Christ's work on the cross, we can now have fellowship with one another. Why then, do we insist on rebuilding that wall, only to work tirelessly to tear it down again ourselves? In other words, we put up walls with the people in our lives. Then we come to feel lonely about this, so our solution is to communicate with different people through the veil of a computer screen.

I am curious about the people who read this blog. If you are a public follower of this blog, I want you to know that I have looked at your profiles from time to time. I wonder who you are, and why you are reading my thoughts. I may not know you personally, but I do acknowledge each of you is more than an avatar on a profile. You are real, flesh-and-blood human beings, with feelings, thoughts, and opinions. I look through some of your blogs and I am touched by much of what I've seen, even though it is just a mere snapshot of your lives.

For this reason, I have felt led to honor some of you here. In the upcoming months, I may contact you to ask your permission to feature you on this site. Soon, I hope to begin a new series of posts called "SHEologian Spotlight." In the spirit of Philippians 2:3, I want to take an opportunity to esteem each of you as better than myself. My goal is to honor and encourage as many of you out in cyberspace that I can. I realize that I am not a physical shoulder to cry on, and I don't expect to take the place of real, face-to-face edification in your lives.

But I do intend to do everything in my power to be the best darn electric Grandma I can.

We generally don't post many recipes on this site (come to think of it, this is the first). But with bitter cold weather gripping the globe, I thought it would be apropos to share a recipe my doctor gave me for an all-natural tea to heal sinus conditions (although I like to think of it more as soup). I like to give credit where credit is due, so this recipe comes from Dr. Brian Walsh. I am not sure if he created it or obtained it from somewhere else. Nevertheless, here it is:

Ingredients
1 Tbsp Fresh Crushed Garlic
1 Tbsp Fresh Ginger, peeled and grated
1 Cup Boiling Water
1 Tsp Honey
1/2 Lemon
1/8 tsp Cayenne Pepper (optional)

Directions
Add garlic, ginger, and (optional) cayenne pepper to 1 cup boiling water. Cover and steep 10 mins. Remove cover and add 1 tsp honey and the juice of half a lemon. Serve in a teacup or bowl and eat as much of the garlic and ginger as you possibly can.

Does it work?
I have been working with Dr. Walsh since September 30 on a treatment known as "Nutrition Response Testing." The main goal is to heal all sorts of ailments naturally through nutrition, and to strengthen the immune system. For this reason, Dr. Walsh does not want me to use antibiotics, but instead to allow the human body to work the way God intended (Dr. Walsh is a Christian, by the way).

On Wednesday, January 6, my sinuses were packed shut in every direction. My head was killing me and I felt my left ear closing up. I also started to feel some pain on the left side of my jaw, especially in my molars. I called Dr. Walsh and asked in desperation if he could offer me any help because I was on the verge of calling a traditional doctor and very tempted to get antibiotics. He persuaded me not to ruin my treatment and to give this recipe a try. Here is a report of how I'm doing so far:

Wednesday, January 6. Drank the tea at 6:30pm. Dr. Walsh recommended I try it without the pepper at first. I immediately noticed my sinuses open. The pain in my jaw disappeared as well. I felt good for about 3 hours, so I made the tea again around 10pm and went to bed.

Thursday, January 7. Woke up with packed sinuses again. Made the tea in the morning at breakfast. Had it again for lunch and then twice in the evening. Not much of a change. Would blow my nose but it would fill up again after a short while.

Friday, January 8. Had the tea again and regular intervals of several hours or so. Blowing my nose kept it clear for several hours at a time.

Saturday, January 9. Continued to drink the recipe throughout the day. Sinuses staying clear for longer and longer periods of time. Began to expel mucous from my lungs. Coughing a great deal.

Sunday, January 10. Continued to drink the recipe 3x a day. More coughing and expelling of mucous. Sinuses unbelievably free and clear.

Monday, January 11. Had the tea only once today, and for kicks I added the cayenne pepper. Sinuses free and clear. The only remaining complaint I have is that I still have fluid in my ear. I am going to continue with this recipe until I see Dr. Walsh again on Friday, and see what he says about my ear.

Additional tips I followed to help me get better without antibiotics:
1. Use a saline nasal spray to keep the nasal passages moist. Many sinus conditions are the result of dry nasal passages. I have been using Xlear and I like it so far. Xlear contains xylitol, which allegedly helps to prevent bacteria from adhering to tissue.

2. Use a humidifier to moisturize the dry air that often results in the winter when your home is constantly being heated.

3. Use a neti pot. Walgreens sells a great neti pot starter kit under the term "sinus wash". You may also find similar products under the name "nasal irrigation." If you have never heard of a neti pot, here is a brief demonstration below. With regular use, neti pots can prevent sinus issues before they start. After getting over the initial shock of the pure weirdness of this, you do get used to it and find it rather soothing:



4. Stay Away from Sugary Foods. I do this on a regular basis, as excess sugar is believed to suppress the immune system.


Tip For Chapped Lips:
In addition to my sinus infection, I also had a horrible case of chapped lips on Wednesday evening. My lips were so red, cracked, and swollen, I looked like I had a botched Botox treatment or some collagen injections gone horribly wrong. It hurt to smile and nothing I did satisfied my burning lips. I read an interesting tip on the internet: wet your lips with water and put some salt on them. Dab a little bit more water on them and then cover with Vaseline. The water provides the moisture, and the Vaseline seals the moisture in. The salt, as every woman knows all too well, helps to retain water. I did this before bed using sea salt, only because I had some handy. Yes, the salt burned a bit, but when I woke up in the morning I would say my lips were almost totally healed! I did this for one more day before I was well enough to downgrade to Burt's Bees Medicated Lip Balm. Out of all the Burt's Bees Lip Balms, the Medicated has got to be the best, and I've been using it every day since I stopped the Vaseline/salt treatment.

Do you have any other tips for combating Winter illnesses? Feel free to share them here!

Part 5 in the "Men Behaving Badly" Series
Part 1Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Ask a majority of women what is the number one quality they look for in a man, and the answer is "Sense of Humor." Couple that with the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for," and you may be faced with a situation that is quite frustrating. It is true that women love a man who can make them laugh. Men are all too aware of this and willing to serve women in this way. However, a man who is one step shy of being a circus clown can be a huge turn off (at least for me).

I've seen plenty of guys use humor in ways that at the very least will frustrate a woman, and at most will cause her to grow incredibly angry. As with all the "Men Behaving Badly" postings, my hope is to help men understand how and why their behavior is appropriate, and to help men better serve women in these situations. So without further ado, here are the three main types of "silly men" that I personally find challenging to deal with:

1) Inability to Be Serious. I recently had an email discussion with a brother who claimed he "seriously" wanted to know about a particular facet of my life which he found to be rather unusual. I explained that in some ways, my choices in this area were akin to a personal conviction. The man then replied with a dozen jokes about what I had just shared. It seemed every other sentence in his response was followed by "LOL!!!!!" or an emoticon of a smiley beating the ground with his fists in a fit of laughter. Needless to say, I not only did not find his response funny, I found it insulting. I strongly believe that in this case, this man was trying to establish a connection with me, but he ended up putting a bigger wedge between us. Guys, when you use the word "seriously," women want to feel that it is safe to be vulnerable, open up, and tell you - seriously - what makes us tick. If you then turn around and laugh at us, make jokes, or insult something that is very important to us, you make yourself seem very similar to the boy who cried wolf. If you say you want to know something "seriously", and then you don't behave in a serious manner, chances are, we're not going to believe you the next time you use that word. And if we don't believe you are capable of being serious, you will never win our trust.

"Inability to be Serious" is the number one type on my list because it has some very harsh consequences when it comes to how a woman will perceive your leadership ability. Think about it - who in their right mind would want to submit to someone who constantly laughs at everything? As a single woman, constantly laughing or joking in every situation would not be an attractive quality in a husband. But a man who cannot be serious, in my opinion, is even worse in a pastoral role. If your only counseling skill is your sense of humor, I'm not going to feel safe coming to you with a problem.

Tip for Women: As usual, we don't want to make this a man-bashing post, so for women, I'd like to offer some insight on why men do this. I've come up with two reasons. The first is illustrated by the recent example with my friend. In this case, I suspect he was trying to establish a connection with me and it backfired. But more often than not, when a man constantly jokes about something that is important to you, it could be that he is misunderstanding your passion as pain. Men absolutely hate to see people they care about in pain. Men also have an insatiable need to "fix" problems. Therefore, if they see you in pain, the quick fix for this solution is to reverse that by making you laugh. If a man cracks jokes when you are being serious, try not to judge him (like I am tempted to do) but let him know that the joke is inappropriate. Do this gently as it may hurt his feelings. Remember, in his mind, he is honestly trying to help. Getting angry might make the problem worse, because he might interpret this simply as a failure to achieve his goal of making you feel better, and thus try harder! I've known guys who will just turn up the juice in these situations and joke even more. Use that knowledge to your advantage. Instead of getting angry, say: "It would be helpful if you could not joke about this." When you tell him exactly how he can help (as this is his main goal), he should be able to shift gears.

2. Uses Humor as a Defense Mechanism. I feel I can speak from authority on this one because the only safe emotion for men to show in my family is humor. Throughout my childhood, adolescence, and even today, it is very difficult for the men in my family to cry or show weakness. Perhaps this is why "Sense of Humor" is down much further on my personal list of admirable qualities in a man. I've seen one too many men use their sense of humor as a way to mask their true feelings, and it can be frustrating.

This one should be obvious. While an inability to be serious may simply be a man's attempt to help you, using humor as a defense mechanism is a sign that the man cannot accept help in return. A man who uses humor as a defense mechanism is desperately trying to hide anything that he perceives might make him appear weak. By laughing off very serious or painful situations, he is trying to demonstrate that he is strong and does not need anyone's help. Usually men who do this are terrified to show their true emotions in front of a woman. But if you look carefully, men will more often do this to protect their image in front of other men. They often feel that in order to prove their manliness, they need to reject any displays of emotion that are typically perceived as "feminine," even if that means denying that it is a problem at all. Oftentimes, this denial comes in the form of humor. (If I can laugh about it, then it has no power over me.)

Tip for Women: In many cases, the only people men feel they can open up to is their women. So if your husband is acting this way, don't blow it by getting angry. If you become angry when he displays a "positive" emotion (humor), he will not want to share with you any emotion that he perceives to be negative, such as sadness, grief, or despair. Women can be supportive by reminding men that tears are not a female emotion, but a human emotion. Even Jesus wept!

3. The Competitive Comedian. I don't have this last one completely figured out, but I feel it does deserve mention. Sometimes men will use their sense of humor as a way to "one-up" a woman. If you make a witty remark, these men will immediately follow it with something even funnier. If you can top that, these men do not look very happy. I am not entirely sure why this occurs. I have been in situations where certain men (especially the "defense mechanism" guys) will almost feel threatened, as if someone else is stealing their spotlight when it comes to humor. I suppose for these men it is the only thing that gives them an identity in a group. Perhaps they grew up in a family where everyone had a label: Jack is the athlete, Bill has the brains, and Mike is the funny one. Your guess is as good as mine.

In other cases, if the man is interested in a particular woman, he will use humor as a way of being horribly mean to her. He will make fun of her appearance, her mannerisms, the things she's into - whatever he can think of. I've read a few secular articles that explain this one: this is a cry for attention. In many cases it works - when a man is mean to us, he has definitely captured our attention. Unfortunately, we are not drawn to him as a potential life partner. Instead, we're drawn to him in the same manner we would be to a huge pileup on the interstate, or two people who are arguing very loudly in a restaurant. We shake our heads and just think, "That's terrible." It's the same way with obnoxious and rude men. It gets our attention, but it is not attractive.

Tip for Women: I don't have much insight on this one, however I will say that since it is common for men to bond with other men through competition, a man who "one-ups" you with the jokes, or a man who uses humor to insult you may be trying to bond with you on some level. If this is the case, you can use the same strategy as you do with the "inability to be serious" guys. Instead of getting angry or telling him that he's being a rude, obnoxious jerk, use encouragement to direct him away from that behavior. For example, if he is nice to you, use that as an opportunity to smile and say, "Wow, I really like it when you say nice things to me." Or you might say, "The other day at the women's luncheon I mentioned some of the nice things you said to me last week, and they were so jealous!"

Another thing for women to remember is that we do have a tendency to be a bit oversensitive at times. Granted, there are some men who are downright annoying when they tease, but since men do bond with other men through banter, cut him some slack when he jokes with you. Ask yourself, "Am I overreacting?" Unless the teasing is inappropriate, laugh with him and move on.

In closing, I don't want to give the impression that a sense of humor is a bad thing. Far from it! It still remains at the top of the list in qualities that women look for in a man. This is largely because we admire a man who is able to laugh at himself. This is a sign of humility. It demonstrates that a man can have joy of the Lord in the midst of his shortcomings (as well as ours). And although it may not be obvious at first, laughing at oneself is an indicator that you are confident in who you are in Christ. This is a quality that is attractive in both men and women alike!

The bottom line: I would encourage men to use their sense of humor as an asset instead of allowing it to become a hindrance to their character. Many years ago, I read a secular book called Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun. This was required reading for a management class, and the one thing I remember most from this book was to never show your nice side up front, because if people think you're nice, they won't respect you as a leader. They will walk all over you. Instead, show that you have a head for business and a strong spine. Then once you gain their respect, you can be nice to them. I would say that a similar principle can be applied to the use of humor. I tend to respect a man who can be serious up front. Then when he shows his silly side later on, it comes as a pleasant surprise. But if a man is goofy from the start, I personally have a very hard time taking him seriously when he tries to switch gears. I can only speak for myself, but I have trouble seeing overly funny men as serious leaders.

What about you? How do you perceive overly funny men? Do you respect them, or are you less likely to take them seriously?